Color me adjective
by Starysky205
Summary: Soulmates form when you make eye contact, and let me tell you, Evan Hansen is a master at avoiding it, I just know It's the whole, meet your soulmate get your colors, soulmate dies, colors go away (I finally decided to post this here)
1. Color me surprised

Connor Murphy was already pissed off before he got into the school's hallway, he didn't need Jared Kleinman to make things worse, but the asshole did anyways

"Hey Connor!"

Jared was a very in your face sort of person, and hell if Connor wasn't glad for the reminder that the other wasn't his soulmate, but he also really liked his personal space

"Loving the new hair length! Very school shooter chic"

Connor really wanted to punch the living lights out of him, but he stopped himself

"I was just...kidding, it was a joke?"

Really, this amount of self-restrain was probably a record or something, didn't mean Connor was about to just take the punches being thrown at him

"Yeah, no. It was funny. I'm laughing, can't you tell?"

He saw Jared flinch and almost smirked, almost

"Am I not laughing hard enough for you?"

Jared stumbled back

"You're such a freak"  
Jared's gone before Connor can do anything, it's probably for the best, but there's still someone on the hallway with him, so he whirls around to glare at whoever's looking at him, and then everything exploded

There is Connor's soulmate in full color, smiling awkwardly at him, smiling! Of all things, and he has to calm himself because he almost snapped at the kid, who already looks like he's one second away from vaulting, smile non-withstanding. Speaking of, Connor's soulmate, his name was Evan if he remembered correctly, has traded the awkward smile for an awe-struck look, and he should be looking around, at the colors Connor sees in the corner of his eyes, but the dark blue eyes are fixed on him, and on the one hand there's the realization that oh, that's what blue looks like, but on the other there's the fact that Evan, he's almost certain that's his soulmate's name, is giving him such an open look and there has to be a mistake, so instead of addressing the elephant in the room, he hightails it out of there

[POV change]

Evan Hansen was not expecting to actually find his soulmate the first day of school, and it was ridiculous because until then, when looking at the guy from afar he was just intimidating, and while he was still pretty intimidating now, he was also kind of breathtakingly beautiful in full color, which he wasn't expecting, like, at all, and he sees his awestruck look mirrored in the other's face for a second before Connor Murphy runs away like Evan is the scary one of the two, and he doesn't really know what to make of that

Then, like clockwork, there's Zoe Murphy, who Evan has always thought pretty, and is beautiful now that he can name the colors that make her, but Evan's heart has all but left with her brother, because while Zoe is beautiful, Connor is breathtaking

"Hey, are you ok?"  
Evan blinked at her, nodding slowly, still a bit shaken by the fact that, oh, he could tell her hair was brown

"You have brown hair"  
"What?"  
"Oh, um, sorry… I ah, don't know why I said that, I just, wow… there are so many colors, shit… sorry"

Zoe was now giving him a weird look but Evan kept going, unable to stop now that he had started

"It's just that… well, I just met my soulmate, I guess… but like, I already knew him but never actually made eye contact… I don't think he, uh… knew me, and it's… sorry, it's just a bit overwhelming"

"My brother is your soulmate?"

"I, yes, I think, I don't know if he… he kind of run away so… I didn't really ask"

"Oh"

The bell would ring any moment now, and Evan suddenly didn't want to be in this conversation anymore because Zoe was looking at him like he had gotten bad luck, and there had to be a mistake, because obviously if anyone had gotten bad luck for this ordeal, it was Connor, and that was probably why he run away

"I uh… should get to class now, so… yeah, bye"

And then he miraculously managed to turn around and leave for his classroom, he considered this progress

When he got to his seat Jared was giving him an odd look, and oh, so that's what Jared looked like in color, Evan simply sat on his chair without saying anything, because he was sure Jared would know if he said anything, and Even didn't think he wanted Jared knowing considering he hated Connor, who Evan was pretty sure was his soulmate, and Evan couldn't really deal with the commentary that would ensue from that interaction

Later, after he finally got down enough to like think about what happened, it occurred to Connor that he should probably go apologize to his soulmate for running away, Evan Hansen, and yes, Connor had checked who the boy was, seemed like the kind of person who wouldn't mind, but Connor still felt like he needed to do it. So, here he was, chasing after his soulmate to the computer lab, he took a deep breath and walked in, seeing Evan typing away at one of the computers, he could make the first words

"Dear Evan Hansen?"

~^~^~^~^[Letter break]^~^~^~^~^~

 _Dear Evan Hansen:_

 _Today was a weird day and here's why. Today started actually not that bad, normal for the most part, nothing you couldn't deal with, which, progress! Then you met your soulmate, and let us agree that you were not expecting Connor Murphy, but wow, he's actually really nice to look at in full color, which, still very overwhelming. Connor run away and left you to the overwhelming thing that are colors, Zoe came to see if you were ok but you probably weirded her out, which usually bother you a lot more than it does right now, and you're not entirely sure what to make of that_

~^~^~^~^[Over]^~^~^~^~^~

Evan practically jumped out of his seat before he turned to see Connor, who was looking at him

"Shit… sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"

Evan shook his head no rapidly, yet to catch his breath; Connor seemed to relax a bit

"I uh… wanted to apologize for earlier, I kind of freaked out"

"N-no, it's ok, r-really"

Oh god, he was stuttering, and Connor would definitely think he's lame for it, and maybe run away again, because he didn't want to be tied to someone who was lame an-

"So, how did you break your arm?"

"Oh… I uh, fell… of a tree"

"That's the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard"

"Yeah…"

Of course it was, Evan was perfectly aware, and he would keep telling everyone who asked, including himself, because he was not acknowledging the act-

"Nobody signed your cast"

"Yeah… no, I don't have any… I didn't really ask"

"Do you have a sharpie?"

"Oh! You don't have to… if you don't want to…"

Connor was giving him a raised eyebrow; hand outstretched to receive the marker, Evan pulled it from his pocket and gave it to him. Connor grabbed his arm, stopping from pulling too hard after Evan flinched, and wrote his name in big block letters

"There, now we can both pretend to have friends"

~^~^~^~^~^[Leter breack]^~^~^~^~

 _Also, today your soulmate decided to become your friend, and you probably grinned like an idiot, but the concept of having a friend, and that friend being your soulmate, and that soulmate being Connor Murphy… It's all a bit, surprising, so to say. Frankly, you have no idea what to feel about any of this, but this year might not be so bad after all_

 _Sincerely me_


	2. Color me confused

Evan Hansen had the single brightest fucking smile Connor had ever seen, it curved gently in his lips and lit up his dark blue eyes in a way that made the rest of the world seem so dim in comparison, and Connor should probably stop staring, but how do you turn away from something like that?

Somehow, and Connor doesn't really remember what went down, he managed to exchange contact information with his soulmate, who eventually lost the stutter but not the smile, which Connor was perfectly ok with, really, if Evan decided to never stop smiling then maybe the world would be a bit better, or maybe Connor was just biased

Connor couldn't remember the last time he felt this… light, yeah, that's what it was, it felt like he had gotten a huge weight off of him, and could now walk better, see better, because of it. He wasn't smiling per se, but there must have been some sort of difference in his face because as soon as he set foot into his house his mom gave him an odd look

"I met my soulmate"

And he isn't completely sure why he says it, but it feels like what she wants to hear, which given how her face morphs into a smile, is probably a good guess

"Oh honey, I'm so happy for you"

Connor nods along, like this is normal in his household, but then again the situation is not exactly commonplace

"I'm still a bit overwhelmed; I'll be in my room"

"Of course, it must be very exciting, seeing all the colors"

His parents weren't soulmates, Connor knew, only a few ever found theirs

"I really like blue"

His mom looks as though he just said the most uplifting thing ever, which is very weird, and prompts Connor to give a final nod and get away; it's the most awkward he's ever been around her, and that probably means something

Once in his room he regrets telling her immediately, because now his dad will know, and he'll ask, and Connor will have to tell them that his soulmate is a guy, and that would mean another fight; on the other hand he's certain that his family would adore Evan, or rather, Connor hoped they did, maybe he shouldn't bring him here at all, maybe he should keep Evan away where his family couldn't affect him, yeah, that sounded like a good idea

[POV change]

Evan got a text from his mom saying she wouldn't be able to make it home until late, and to get himself something to eat, thankfully there was still some leftover pizza left from the last time she had been able to stay home, so Evan wouldn't have to go through the process that was getting food delivered

He went to his room, to finish the letter he had all but forgotten about due to his meeting with his soulmate in the computer lab. He hadn't told anyone other than Zoe about the fact that he had found his soulmate, but he was sure word would get out, and he couldn't really warn Connor about it because they hadn't talked about being soulmates, and he didn't know if he was Connor's soulmate, so mentioning it was a big no, so instead Evan concentrated on the letter, that was easier

While he was typing his cellular became alive with texts, probably Jared, because who else would text Evan? Except he had traded numbers with Connor at one point; and what if it was him?

So Evan checked his phone, and it turned out to be Jared, but it was actually kind of good?

 **Jared: Dude**

 **Jared: You kind of spaced out completely today**

 **Jared: You had the weirdest look**

 **Jared: Did you knock your head or something?**

And it was weird that it almost sounded like Jared cared, very strange, the oddest thing ever, or maybe Evan was exaggerating because he was still out of it, but he had to tell him something, it was only right, and though Evan really didn't want Jared knowing, he also didn't exactly have anyone else to tell, and he really needed to talk to someone about it, so he sent his text before he regretted it

 _You: I met my soulmate, I think_

The answer was almost immediate

 **Jared: Wait**

 **Jared: For real?**

 _You: Yeah_

 _You: I can, see the colors_

 _You: It's super strange_

 **Jared: Oh man**

 **Jared: Who is it?**

 **Jared: Do I know them?**

 **Jared: I need deets man**

 _You: You do know them_

 _You: I don't know if I'm their soulmate though_

 **Jared: You're avoiding the question**

 **Jared: Evan?**

 **Jared: Oh, I see how it is**

 **Jared: If you won't tell me**

 **Jared: The I'll have to find out myself**

Evan put his phone in silence, if Jared actually guessed who Evan's soulmate was it would be too soon, why did he think this was a good idea again?

And he hadn't acknowledged the fact to Connor, and did Connor know he was Evan's soulmate? Was he Connor's? There were situations where one person would have a different soulmate, movies liked to exploit it as a plot device, Evan knew because… well, he had always kind of liked the idea that there was someone out there just for him, and he knew it was selfish of him, so he watched all of the movies with said trope, and it was probably a terrible idea, but if there was any chance that he wasn't Connor's soulmate, then Evan would rather keep his discovery to himself… only now he had told a total of two people, one of them being Zoe Murphy… shit! Connor definitely knew by now, Evan wanted the ground to swallow him, to disappear, his phone vibrated, speaking of his soulmate…

Connor: Would you like to go somewhere with me?


	3. Color me interested

Evan bit his lip, looked at the computer where a now complete letter was waiting to be saved, and when did that happen anyway? Not to think about, Evan needed to concentrate on right now, he could use the fresh air

 _You: Where are we going?_

[POV change]

So, Connor had managed to avoid his dad by telling his mom that he was going to go see his soulmate, at which she smiled widely and told him to take as long as he needed, Connor wasn't sure what to make of it, he just got out of the house and tried not to think about it too hard; instead he sent a text to Evan

You: Would you like to go somewhere with me?

It took a moment before Evan responded; Connor hoped he hadn't come out wrong

 _Hansen: Where are we going?_

You: You like trees, right?

Evan takes a bit longer to respond, shit, maybe he shouldn't have mentioned he knew that, but when Evan responds is in the form of his address and Connor got back to get his car, because this is happening apparently

Connor: I'll be there in a few

[POV change]

Evan Hansen had finally done it, he finally reached the point where he's so panicked he's actually calm, and it's an experience. He's discovered he owns a lot of blue clothing,

He wonders how momentarily, until recently neither him nor his mom could see the color, he decides he doesn't mind blue, he changes into something comfortable but nice, or he thinks it's nice, and that'll have to do because Evan has no idea how fashion works anyways

It's weird, feeling like this, he texted his mom to tell her he was going to go out with a friend, didn't specify said friend wasn't Jared but that wasn't a conversation to have over text, was it ok for him to tell everyone he knew about his soulmate? But Evan couldn't really help it, his phone rang with the message tone

Connor: I'm outside your door

 _You: I'll be down in a second_

Evan checked himself in the mirror, resigned himself to the fact that this was the best he would get now, grabbed his phone, went down the stairs, grabbed his keys, and walked out of the house before he broke out of this state

Connor was leaning against a worn looking car, was worn the right word? It looked like it was well used, the red paint was chipped in parts and there were a few dents here and there. Connor was also in a ponytail, and Evan's mind seemed to break from its frozen state at that, because holly shit, Connor Murphy was unfairly… hot, he was hot, and Evan felt a flush when he looked up from his phone to meet his eyes

"H-hi"

"Ready?"

Evan simply nodded, completely and utterly speechless, or maybe just saving himself because if he opened his mouth it would definitely come spilling out, and well… he could only see that ending badly

Connor walked around the car and got in the driver seat, Evan took the indirect and got in the other side

[POV change]

Connor had a plan, he really, seriously did, he would take Evan to the abandoned orchard, and he would maybe find the way to actually talk about the fact that, hey, they were soulmates apparently, and it occurred to Connor on the way here that neither had really mentioned it, and it was a thing so-

Connor raised his eyes from his phone when he heard a door losing, and there was Evan Hansen, standing awkwardly like he was the one out of place here

"H-hi"  
Connor tries to be as non-threatening as possible because the last thing he wants is for his soulmate to be scared of him, it tugs at his heart in a way that's entirely new, and Connor doesn't really know what it is, he only knows he doesn't want to be home right now, and he wants to maybe spend some time with someone who didn't look at him like he was a ticking bomb, or maybe he just wanted to see Evan, realized he could, and ended in this situation

"Ready?"

Evan nods quickly, and Connor still doesn't know what to do with the way Evan looks at him, it's different from anyone else, and it could mean a hundred things, but something tells Connor it's a good look, which, never happens, so progress

The drive to the orchard started extremely awkward, until a certain song came on the radio, and yes, Connor had turned it on instead of playing one of his discs, they were at that level of awkwardness, but it was a good idea because Evan was tapping his fingers to the beat, Connor turned the volume up a bit just to test the waters and was pleasantly surprised to see Evan actually smile a bit from the reflection on his window


	4. Color me fond

It takes a bit for it to happen

They reach the orchard; park the car, Connor leads Evan to the part of the fence that's broken, no climbing it with a cast. And then, like the first time, it happens all at once, Evan takes a look around and his face morphs into a look Connor recognizes, that same way too open look that he gave Connor when they found out they were soulmates, only now the dark blue eyes are set on the sights, on the way the light shades the greens and browns of the apple trees, his lips drawn in a soft smile, he turns towards Connor, and he's hit with the sudden realization that Evan Hansen is beautiful

Connor knew he liked Evan's smile, it was a nice smile, it fit nicely in his face, and it felt rare, like something only a few saw, so Connor could deal with liking it, like with anything he found pleasing to the eye. But the Evan smiling softly beneath the dancing light of the sun? Nope, not ready for that one, like, at all. Connor felt the corner of his lips lifting up, barely different from the straight line they had been at, but it was a smile, Connor was smiling now, yep, definitely not ready for this

[POV change]

Evan was just barely starting to get around the idea that he really liked Connor, no use beating around the bush, he was Evan's soulmate, so he figured it only made sense to like him. And it was a thing, because up until recently he had always been more interested in Zoe, and wasn't it funny that he'd been so close to the right thing, and yet so far? Destiny was a weird thing, and it was a cruel thing too because Connor Murphy smiled, a soft and barely noticeable tug of the lips but Evan had been staring so he noticed, and wow, Evan felt weak

"Come on, let's find somewhere to sit"

He nodded, words starting to gather on his throat, and it was better to keep them there, because Connor did not need to know what Evan was thinking, absolutely not

The conversation took a few beats to begin, but once it started it was easy, or easier than any other conversation Evan ever had with anyone, the bar was pretty low on that one, no lies

The thing was, he didn't lose his breath, and Connor actually seemed to be listening to him, which was amazing, and also kind of a thing, because Evan probably started rambling, he managed not to say anything about what he thought of Connor, not that any of it was bad, it just was extremely embarrassing, honestly

"So, what do you plan to do when you get out of school?"

"Oh, uhm… well, I have a few ideas but nothing concrete"

"Hit me"

"It's nothing out of this world"

Connor raises an eyebrow at him, Evan relents

"I thought, maybe bike part of the Appalachian Trail, or maybe write a book, or uh… learn to sail"

"Learning to sail sounds cool"

Evan smiles because yes, it does

"What about you?"

Connor shrugged like he didn't think about it too much either

"I like reading, so I might copy the book thing"

Evan chuckled at that, Connor gave him another one of those barely there smiles, so it was probably the right response

[POV change]

They finally find somewhere to sit, and fall into a different type of silence, it feels light, like no words are necessary, and Connor doesn't think he's ever been this at peace with anyone, but as much as he enjoys this, and he really does, he needs to address the elephant in the room, but how did he go about doing that?

"Do you have a favorite color?"

Connor let out a heavy sigh, like he had been beating himself up over this, and here came Evan with a non-direct way of going about it, they were both cowards

"Blue"

He was probably staring at Evan's face; or more specifically his dark blue eyes, it was a very biased choice, but Evan smiled at him so Connor counted it as a victory

"I uh… I think I like brown"

It wasn't all that odd, considering Evan liked trees, most tree trunks were brown, Connor had all but forgotten looking into a mirror, but from seeing his mom in full color he could guess his hair was brown too… Evan was looking directly into his eyes; Connor really wished he had checked himself in a mirror


	5. Color me giddy

They spent a while watching the clouds roll in the sky, just enjoying each other's company, it was really nice, the concept of having a soulmate, and Evan was still a bit high on the fact that yes, he was as much of Connor's soulmate as Connor was his, and it was very… liberating, in a way, because even though he was terrified of it, the idea that he could be himself with someone, that he could maybe not hide with Connor? Well, that sounded great

Connor drove him back home, and Evan felt something tight in his chest as he asked if he would see him at school, and Connor said sure, he must have given him the widest grin yet before heading inside his home, waving goodbye before closing the door, there was a pause before he heard the car going away

[POV change]

Evan Hansen was going to destroy Connor Murphy with his smile alone, he swore his heart stopped the moment Evan grinned at him widely, all because Connor had agreed to seeing him in school the next day, and there had been an undertone to the question that had less to do with rumors and more to do with Evan, it disappeared the moment Connor agreed, and then Evan was grinning, and Connor was weak. He had to take a moment to recompose himself before he was able to drive again

When Connor got back to his home the first thing he did, after masterfully avoiding his family, was go to the bathroom to see what exactly Evan had been looking at exactly. Connor had seen himself before, in the monochrome shades of gray, and didn't think he was anything to write home about, but maybe it was the colors? So, here was Connor, looking at his reflection, his hair was a dark brown, he looked way paler than most people he had seen, his eyes were brown… oh, oh! Connor was suddenly laughing, really, he could only blame himself, and why did that make him smile? And then he was blushing because, oh god, he had flirted at Evan Hansen, and Evan had flirted back, all with Connor being completely oblivious… fuck

There was a cough from the bathroom's door, shit, he forgot to close it, and when he whirled around he found Zoe, well… at least it wasn't Larry

"You know, the weirdest thing happened today"

Zoe had the look, Connor hated the look because it meant that his sister knew something he didn't particularly want her to know, and if it was about today then… yep, not ready for this

"I saw you stare at Evan Hansen for like a minute, not even moving or talking, and then off you were, running"

"I didn't run"

Zoe raised an eyebrow, ok… how did Connor get out of this now?

"Sure… thing is, I talked to the guy, he looked pretty out of it, you wouldn't believe but he said he was overwhelmed, because oh, apparently he could see in color"

Connor groaned, he shouldn't have turned away from the situation; he would have saved himself of so much trouble, so fucking much

His phone rang from his pocked, and he felt some of the annoyance he was starting to feel fade when he saw it was a message from Evan

 _Hansen: Thanks for today_

And Connor knows he's smiling, can feel it in his aching cheeks, and in his forehead, which weird, but it's not like Connor can remember what parts of his face go into smiling, he turns to Zoe, who's now seemingly frozen in place, and he almost laughs, almost

"Evan is my soulmate"

He says it more to see how she'll react than anything, but it actually feels great to tell someone exactly who his soulmate is, he skips the part where he comments of how cute Evan is because well, there are things Zoe has no business knowing

Her mouth hangs open a bit, like she wanted to say something but run out of words, Connor decides it was completely worth it as he brushes past her frozen form, quickly typing a response; it's probably the best day he's had so far. When he goes to sleep that night, after one very awkward dinner in which there was no mention of anything related to soulmates, surprisingly; Connor realizes that he's actually looking forwards to tomorrow, and it's weird, and a bit of a scary thought, but still, progress

[POV change]

Evan's fingers shake as he types the text, he feels a bit ridiculous for saying it through here, but he knows going out helped, because he's feeling normal, or as normal as he can get

 _You: Thanks for today_

Connor: No worries, it was my idea

 _You: It was a good idea_

Connor: :)

If somebody had told Evan that he would one day stare at his phone with the realization that he found Connor Murphy cute, well he would have probably given them the single most unbelieving look ever, but here he was, smiling, because his soulmate was cute, Evan thinks Connor Murphy is cute… the world is a strange place

He ate the leftover pizza alone, still processing the day's events in his head, having a soulmate was odd, but in a good way, it was new, and Connor was nice outside of school apparently, and also very pretty, his house looked extremely weird in color, it was easier to think about that

Evan stared at his roof, the only thing that remained the same white it had been before he could see in color, and let out a long sigh. It was an odd day, not bad per se, actually kind of really good for the most part, which may be why it felt so weird, and Evan felt… happy. What a concept

He fell asleep easier than any other day in his life; too tired to be surprised that he wasn't more worried about how he would approach Connor tomorrow, not really knowing if that was a good thing


	6. Color me helpless

There's something to Evan Hansen in school, he seems to become muted, like he's camouflaged himself, becoming invisible, only now that Connor has known him out in the open, he can't seem to stop seeing him, his eyes find the boy as if magnetized, they might as well be considering Evan is his soulmate. Connor was watching from afar because Evan was currently walking the halls with one Jared Kleinman, any other time Connor would have swooped in because Evan looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him, and well, he liked his soulmate better happy, but the two were talking about soulmates, and if Connor stepped in it would be too obvious

[POV change]

Evan had all but forgotten about Jared, or rather the fact that he had let it slip that he had found his soulmate to him. After picking Evan up he immediately asked if it was Zoe, and wasn't it funny how close Jared was to the truth? But if Evan knew anything about his family friend, it was that Jared Kleinman was the last person he wanted knowing about Connor and him

"No, don't tell me I was right!"

Apparently Evan had been quiet for too long, he shook his head quickly

"It isn't Zoe, I mean she's very pretty, but he… my soulmate, is kind of breathtaking"

"He?"

Evan turned scarlet, just his luck, he hid his head behind his hands with a groan

"Dude, your soulmate is a guy?"

The car stopped, they were in school, Evan all but escaped from the vehicle and into the building, Jared kept up with him easily, damn it

"Oh my god, you said he was breathtaking, how gay are you?"

"Stop"  
"No way! Your soulmate is a dude; Evan Hansen has a male soulmate!"  
"Shut up!"

It came out a bit louder than he intended, Jared took a step back putting both his hands up

"I get it, I'll drop it"

Evan sighed

"For now"

"Fuck it, I'm not dealing with you"

He whirled around and walked away, if Jared followed after him it'd be too soon, he completely missed the look of surprise on, not only Jared, but also a close by Connor

[POV change]

Connor didn't need much of an incentive to follow after Evan, who had all but stormed out, blush painting his cheeks, and he's only caught lose words but he gets the feeling the last thing Evan needs right now is being alone

He finds him in the bathroom, looking like the reality of everything just came crashing down on him, and he approaches slowly

"Hey"

His voice is soft, softer that he knew he could make it; Evan blinks at him, eyes shining with unshed tears, Connor feels like a stone got wedged on his throat, he stands there, close but with enough distance that Evan can run away, not knowing if he should reach out or not

"I… I'm sorry"

Evan's voice shakes as he speaks, Connor keeps the soft tone

"What are you apologizing for?"

"I uh… I told Jared that I had a soulmate, because I was kind of out of it, and I needed to tell someone, and he's the closest thing to a friend I have, even though he doesn't really consider me a friend and he's been bothering me about it"

It comes out all at once, in a single string of words that Connor somehow understands; he puts a hand on Evan's shoulder tentatively

"Hey, it's ok, just breathe"

It takes a minute for his breaths to become less erratic, a few tears fall from his eyes, Connor brushes them off carefully, ready to step back at the first sign of discomfort

"Sorry"  
"Don't, it's not your fault"

A sad, tentative and tearful but still very much there, smile painted itself on Evan's lips, and it brings Connor a bit of relief, Evan opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it again like he's not sure about it, Connor gives the shoulder he's still holding a squeeze hoping it comes off as reassuring

"Do you… uh, do you mind that Jared sort of knows?"

Connor wasn't very partial to Kleinman, but he found he wasn't lying when he shook his head no

"I don't think so"  
And sure, Connor had the attitude of someone who didn't care what others thought, but he also didn't like people getting into what was his own business; but he liked the idea of Evan talking about him, Evan smiled a bit wider now, looking relieved himself, cheeks red from the crying, and Connor was reminded of the orchard, of the realization that his soulmate was beautiful, oh, oh god…

[POV change]

Evan Hansen wondered if perhaps he was touch starved. He read the term on tumblr at some point, but he never gave it much thought, but the way Connor held him in place, and the way he handled Evan like he was made of glass? It felt nice, and didn't help Evan's growing crush on him

Could you have a crush on your own soulmate? Was that a thing? Weren't soulmates supposed to just click or something? Well, Evan knew for a fact the last one wasn't true, because before the moment in the orchard things had been… awkward, to say the least. So no, soulmates did not immediately click into place together

Eventually Connor let go, Evan felt a sort of chill in the now free spot of his shoulder, they were still standing close; Evan offers him a smile

"Thanks… for everything"

Connor shoots back with one of his own, and Evan is left frozen because wow, he thought Zoe had a good smile, but Connor Murphy is, once again, breathtaking. He smiles with his whole face, little creases forming in his forehead and in the corners of his eyes, and Evan likes it a lot, it light up his face, and makes the color shine a little brighter, or maybe Evan is just biased

They leave the bathroom, having missed the first class, Connor walks Evan to his classroom in silence, Evan gives him a thankful nod and a small smile, asks to maybe eat together, which Connor agrees to eagerly, and enters the room; Connor walks to his own class and doesn't think about the fact that he's actually attending, preferring to instead try not to be too happy at simply sharing lunch with his soulmate, which, weird, cool, but still weird, the world is a wondrous place


	7. Color me sidelined

Zoe Murphy did not have a good life, or she did, for a while, and then not anymore

Soulmates were complicated, but the concept gave her some hope, so here's what she knew:

1- The world had been monochrome for as long as she could remember

2- The only way to change this fact was to meet your soulmate

3- To find your soulmate you have to make eye contact

And that's ok, that's all information she can deal with. The prospect of her brother having a soulmate? She knew it was bound to happen, said soulmate being a seemingly shy kid? Well, Evan had told her first, and really, there were weirder things in life

But here's the thing, Zoe can barely remember the last time her brother smiled, so she thought her surprise at seeing Connor happy for the first time in ages was totally justified, the only proper reaction even

Seeing her brother chase after an upset looking Evan Hansen was weird, not for the chasing down part, it wouldn't be the first time Connor had chased down some poor soul that pissed him off, it was really easy to piss him off; no, the weird part about the ordeal was that Connor wasn't the one who made Evan upset, Connor going to comfort someone? Yeah, no, that was so normal, ha-ha

Was it a soulmate thing? And who was Evan Hansen? She only knew his name, and the fact that, apparently, he was Connor's soulmate. So, in an attempt at getting some information, she looked for one Alana Beck

Alana was the type of person who knew everyone, she masterfully avoided eye contact without coming out as rude, because, according to her, she didn't have time for a soulmate; and considering the older girl was in about every club the school had, Zoe was inclined to believe her

She approached Alana on the first opportunity she had, striking conversation and letting her ramble a bit

"Actually, I was wondering if you knew Evan Hansen"

"Oh, sure!"

[POV change]

Jared Kleinman was a resourceful guy, he knew who to talk to, to get information; it was very simple, really. The school was filled with eyes and ears, someone was bound to have noticed something out of place, say a pair of dudes staring at each other in stunned silence, or maybe there had been a conversation, it was probably very awkward knowing Evan, but surely out of place considering he never talked to anyone that wasn't Jared or Alana, and everyone talked to Alana, or rather, Alana talked to everyone

Speaking of which, Alana was currently talking with Zoe Murphy, she mentions Evan names, and trees, so Jared stops close by, and listens because by the looks of it Zoe was the one to bring up the subject, and why would Zoe Murphy be interested in Evan Hansen? Unless… oh, oh that was rich!

Jared took a few steps back, planning on going to find Evan to tease him endlessly because wow, was Evan unlucky, and then he stumbled

If asked about it, Jared would claim that he fell because he had realized that Evan was not only soulmates with Connor Murphy, but had referred to Connor Murphy as breathtaking, and that was a thought Jared had never thought he would have, falling over his own feet was completely acceptable

He never hit the ground, someone had stopped his fall in such a way that it looked like Jared had just got dipped, when he looked up to his savior he was met with green eyes, on a very male face, did Jared care?

The stranger arched an eyebrow

"Well, I wasn't expecting to have you physically fall for me"

Jared did not care, like, at all. He chuckled; the guy wiggled his eyebrows before helping him back into standing position, where Jeremy could take in the appearance of his soulmate, and wonder how the hell he got red highlights without seeing color

"Hi, I'm Jared, Jared Kleinman"

He offered the guy a hand to shake, he took it lightly, smile on his lips

"Trevor Fletcher, nice to finally meet you"

[POV change]

Zoe learned a few things, and Alana apologized that she knew so little, that helped her paint a picture in her mind on where her brother had been before she found him blushing in the bathroom, then came the realization that Connor definitely had a crush on Evan, which gave her a weird feeling because soulmates were supposed to just click together, then again her brother wasn't the most conventional person out there, and Evan seemed like a very awkward guy, on top of the quiet personality  
After some consideration she decided that the best way to see where things were headed, was to actually talk to Evan, and maybe learn something about him other than the fact that the guy likes trees

She finds him as he exits his class and sees the confusion in his eyes as she approaches; it's quickly changed as he seems to realize who Zoe is, and probably remembering the last conversation they had, she tries her best to smile amicably

"Hello"  
"H-hi"

"You're Evan right?"

"Evan! I mean… I am Evan, sorry"

"What are you apologizing for?"

"Y-you said my name and I repeated it, and I'm probably annoying you now, I'll just… shut up"

Ok, the guy was awkward as all hell, Zoe could work with this

"You're ok"

There was a cough behind her, Evan seemed to relax when looking over her shoulder, and when Zoe turned she saw her brother eyeing him for a beat before turning to her

"Do you need anything?"


	8. Color me stressed

Connor should have known Zoe would pull something like this, really, seeing her talking with his soulmate, probably warning Evan about him, completely expected. Evan looked as if he wanted to disappear, and Connor decided that the poor boy had enough of pestering assholes for a day, so he stepped in, he made eye contact with Evan, who seemed to relax at seeing him, which, nice, and it made Zoe turn to see what Evan was looking at

"Do you need anything?"

"I was just talking with Evan"

"Sure"

Connor rounded her to get to Evan, two sets of blue eyes following him; Zoe's were lighter than Evan's, his soulmate had tensed again, probably by proxy of the tension between Connor and his sister, he needed to get Evan out of the situation

"Come one Ev, you promised to eat lunch with me"

"I-uh… right, lunch, of course"

Connor led him away softly, not wanting to freak him out, but also wanting to get him out of here, Evan gave a quick nod to Zoe and walked with Connor, then turned to Connor with a thankful smile that made everything worth it, or maybe Connor is just really gay

That's a thing now, Connor Murphy is gay, for Evan Hansen, who likes trees and owns way too much blue for someone who has only been seeing color recently, Evan who is a mess much like Connor but seems to calm down around him, Evan with his bright smiles who wanted to be friends with him of all people, Evan who was Connor's soulmate. And it was a thing, because although he had had crushes on people at some point, he never had a chance with them, and he did with Evan, and that was both exhilarating and terrifying in equal measures, but it was a chance, and Connor would give anything not to fuck this up

[POV change]

The day passes by as if in a blur, Evan eats with Connor outside, away from prying eyes, under one of the trees that lived in the school, Evan managed to finish his lunch, which, definitely progress

Zoe didn't approach him again, or if she tried she couldn't because Connor had made a point to get Evan whenever his classes finished; the behavior obviously caught the attention of everyone on school, any other time it would have driven Evan into a panic, now he was a little busy worrying that somehow Connor had found out that he used to like Zoe and was going to confront him at any second, and also wondering if Connor was jealous, because it felt like it, and if Connor was jealous then that meant that he liked Evan back, and it hadn't hit him until then that Connor liking him back was an actual possibility, and that has Evan's mind reeling until he gets home and finds his mom in the house

Then a new problem arises, because Evan has yet to tell her that he found his soulmate, or that his soulmate was a guy, or that he had a huge crush on him and was freaking out at the possibility of Connor liking him back, and Evan can't really escape it because Connor's name stands proudly on his cast, in huge bold letters, and his mom is bound to ask about it, he really needs to get it out. Isn't it kind of funny? That it was the first time Evan had something this important, something that could go extremely badly because what if his mom is secretly homophobic, she never talks badly about it, but those people aren't related to her, and Evan really doesn't want her to hate him, but the need to tell her is almost too overwhelming, and that's new, that's heavy, so he strikes a conversation

"Mom, I thought you had classes?"

"My teacher called in sick so I came back, how was school?"

And that was Evan's chance, he took it feeling light headed, when was the last time he felt this decided about anything?

"Actually, I uh… I met my soulmate, sorry, it was actually yesterday but I wanted to tell you in person, but I was definitely going to tell you because I really wanted you to know"

Oh god, he was rambling, this was a bad idea, his mom seems to be processing what he just said, mayday, leave right now

"Oh, that's great honey, what's her name?"

"Oh, ah… his name is Connor"

He subconsciously brings the signed cast forward, not really thinking about it, more concerned in the flashing emotions on his mom's face as she, again, makes sense of what he just said

There is silence, it feels suffocating, it feels endless, and Evan wonders if he fucked up


	9. Color me out

Heidi Hansen was surprised, to say the least. Evan had always avoided meeting eyes with people, she noticed, so it made her wonder how it happened; but she needed to concentrate now, because her son looked a little too pale, and it occurred to her that she had yet to say something, to reassure him

"Oh, ok"

"Ok? You're not… angry, that my soulmate is a boy?"

And Evan sounds so worried, and he shouldn't be

"Oh honey, of course not"

Evan lets go of a sigh, his whole body seems to sag in synchrony, and then he smiles at her, tentatively, like he's not sure about it, but he looks happy

"Well then, what's he like?"

And she swears he lights up at that, the way he does when he talks about trees, and she decides that whoever this Connor is, she likes him

"He's kind of… uhm, breathtaking, and he has this great smile, but he doesn't do that often, and I might, possibly, really like how brown his eyes are"

Heidi smiles at him, Evan flushes, stopping there, but it's obvious that he likes Connor a lot

"I would love to meet him; maybe this weekend, I could take Saturday free, and cook for you two"

"That's… I'll have to ask him"

"Of course"

Evan nods, and she can tell that's the ending of the conversation before he walks past her and upstairs awkwardly, she lets him go with a smile on her lips

[POV change]

 _Hansen: I might have told my mom about you_

 _Hansen: She wants you to come for dinner_

Connor stared at his phone, weighing his options, on the one hand the idea of meeting Evan's family was nerve-racking, and kind of a thing couples do, and he really didn't need to go down that trail of thought. On the other hand, he didn't want Evan's parents to think he's rude by rejecting the invitation, and if it could make Evan happy, well…

You: Sure, I'll go 

You: When?

 _Hansen: She said Saturday?_

 _Hansen: Would that be ok with you?_

You: Sound cool 

_Hansen: :D_

Evan Hansen was a dork, a dork with the prettiest smile ever; Connor was really gay, fucking hell. There was a cough from someone, and Connor felt a sense of déjà vu, but when he looked up it wasn't Zoe but his mom, and maybe that's where she got it from

"You look worried"

He nodded; he was, she noticed, that was new, what the actual hell?

"Yeah no, It's just my soulmate told his mom about me, and now she wants to meet me, because that's a novel idea, but sure… I'm perfectly fine"

Connor felt a bit frustrated, his mom blinked a few times, not the usual reaction  
"His mom?"  
Connor swallowed, oh… oh fuck, fuck no, this was not happening, he glared at her, she smiled, what?

"Is your soulmate a boy?"

Connor frowned as he nodded, feeling like he was tiptoeing his way around a strange animal

"You know that's ok, right?"

He was hit with a wave of something, a wave of everything, and he felt like he would cry because he had been afraid, so terrified of what she would say, because out of everyone in this house, his mom was the only one to even try with him, and that was meaningful, it was important, so he did something on impulse for once that had nothing to do with violence, he hugged her

"Thanks"

She was stiff at first, and Connor didn't blame her, it had been so long since he had last done anything like this, then her arms wrapped around him, and it was warm, so warm

He pulled away softly, something akin to a smile on his lips, the moment was broken when he felt eyes on him, he turned to see Larry, and he run, not waiting to see the realization sinking into his mother's face, or the way Cynthia Murphy expertly put on a smile as she weaved a lie for her husband, if her son didn't want him to know, then she wouldn't tell him, it wasn't her place


	10. Color me honest

Connor: I'm kind of freaking out

 _You: Do you need to get out of there?_

Connor: Please?

 _You: Ok_

 _Yolu: We can go back to the orchard?_

Connor: Sounds like a plan

To say Evan was worried would be an understatement, he asks his mom for the car, telling her he needed to help Connor, she didn't question it, simply nodded and handed him the keys

 _You: Where do you live?_

 _You: I'll get you_

Connor takes a bit to respond, he sends Evan a direction much like he did the first time, which, ok, totally deserved that

[POV change]

Connor can fell the moment in which the tension breaks, and it's a bit surprising that it took so long, really. The screaming is nothing new, but Connor's actually listening, he notices a lack of mentions of soulmates, or any homophobic slurs he was expecting, but it's still about him, it always is, he goes out through the back door, hears the sound of a car stopping in the front street, and rushes through the garden to see Evan exiting his car

The car is a dull shade of gray, but otherwise very simple, well taken care of, Evan raises his hand awkwardly when he notices Connor, he strides to him

"Let's go"

As it turns out Evan is a careful driver, not to the point of going extremely slow, but enough to look tense and hyperaware, and while that was a bit worrying, it was better than being asked a million questions, as the orchard became visible Connor made the decision to tell Evan, if it was going to be a problem, then it was better to do it now, when everything was still new, maybe if he prepared Evan things wouldn't go horribly once he inevitably snapped

The next thing Connor knew was that they were under one of the trees in the orchard, watching the clouds roll by

"Do you wanna talk about it? You don't have to, sorry"

"No, it's ok, I… I think, you of all people should know"

"Ok"

"Larry… my father, he's…. he doesn't think I have a problem"

He saw Evan nod from the corner of his eye; he fiddled with the hems of his sweatshirt, breathing deeply

"I… I know I snap at people, it isn't pretty and I… I just"

Evan was looking at him now, having turned his body towards him, Connor pushed the sleeves up before he could re-think it, he was expecting horror, pity, but no, Evan's eyes were grim with recognition, he was extremely gentle as he took the closest arm to him

"Well, I think he's an asshole, I… sorry, I didn't m-"

Connor laughed, it came out in a burst, an odd sound, a hard sound, a good sound, and Evan seemed to relax

"Most people would ask why"

Then the blue eyes were on his, a million things seemed to go through Evan's mind, before he took a deep breath himself

"I lied about falling from a tree, I mean, technically I did, but it wasn't… it wasn't an accident, I let go"

"Oh"

Oh god

The sad thing is, it makes sense, it makes all the sense of the world that Connor's soulmate would be just as broken as him, and then it crashes onto him like a wave, because he had been so close to losing Evan without ever knowing, would have been stuck in the monochromes for the rest of his life, if he hadn't met Evan, would he still be here at all?

He hugged him, he was doing a that lot recently, Evan stiffened, it wasn't the way his mom had, it had a lot less to do with Connor, and a lot more to do with Evan. Then he hugged him back, with only one arm, and Connor had all but forgotten about the cast, burying his face into Connor's neck, and it was different, and new, and it felt right

[POV change]

Connor had a very potent smell that had to be pot, but Evan ignored it for now, wondering again if maybe he was touch starved, because he felt like he needed this just as much, if not more, than Connor did. Evan had not been expecting to talk about what really had happened in the tree, hadn't been expecting Connor's arms to be filled with scars, he knew Connor had anger problems, he had a reputations, hell, they met because Connor had almost snapped at him, and Evan had been frozen in just the right way that when he turned to him their eyes met, but the idea of Connor Murphy thinking of dying? Of him having similar thoughts to Evan? That was new

They let go after what felt like an incredibly long time, they were still sitting close to each other, within arm's reach, Evan wondered if maybe Connor was just as scared of him suddenly disappearing as he was. They sat in silence, just looking at each other, Evan took the time to appreciate the way Connor's eyes had a reddish tone of brown that darkened as it got further from the pupil, the way his hair falls on his face and he pushes it away, notices how his features seem to soften slowly, sees the way his lips curl up into a tentative smile, and has the sudden need to kiss him

Connor's phone rings


	11. Color me curious

Connor's phone rings and it feels like a missed opportunity, like there's something dissipating from the air, he would ignore it, but it's his mom, and he thinks he owes her to answer after what happened in the living

He answers and is met with a worried string of words that are hushed, like she doesn't want to be heard, she tells him that his dad doesn't know about the soulmate thing, that if he doesn't want to tell him he doesn't have to, that she understands he doesn't want to be home, like she knows something he doesn't, and it occurs to him that they both have been living with the same man

"Just please, tell me where you are"

So of course, he does, it's the very least he can do

"I'm at the apple orchard, the one that closed down"

He looks at Evan, silently asking for permission, he seems to catch up and nods, Connor's not sure if he does because he's ok with Connor telling her, or he just thinks it's a good way for her to worry a little less; isn't sure if he wants to know

"I'm with Evan"  
"Your soulmate?"

"Yeah"

"That's good"  
Connor looks at Evan again, smile settling into his features

"Yeah"

She says a few more things, about staying safe and maybe coming back if only to sleep on his own bed, he said he would, and she hung up to let him 'go back to that nice boy of yours' which had definitely made Connor blush. He locked his phone sighing, feeling like a weight had lifted off him, he turned to Evan and decided he knew too little about him, and that wasn't ok

"So, what's your favorite song?"

[POV change]

Evan blinked, unsure of what had changed, probably looking like a fish from opening and closing his mouth in confusion, which, not a pretty sight; finally he gathered himself enough to answer

"I don't really have one? I mean, I listen to a lot, so I can't pin point one that's like, my favorite"

"It's cool, I get it"

"What about you?"

"Probably perfect by Simple Plan"

"Oh, I never heard of them"

"You don't have to"

The questions that followed were the usual, like he was playing an odd version of 20 questions, but it worked, he asked about books and Connor's face light up as he tried to pick a favorite, naming all the qualities each of the titles he picked had, it was the first time Evan saw him so… happy, about anything, so he let him talk, small smile on his lips

When he got home he checked the band out, of course, he started with the song Connor mentioned, and went from there, he really liked the voice of the singer, and the lyrics

 _You: Connor_

 _You: Simple Plan is so good?_

 _You: I think I might love Astronaut_

 _You: I do_

Connor: Aren't they? 

Connor: What songs did you listen to?

Evan told him, Connor seemed happy to share this with him, it was nice, to have something in common with his crush, but it made sense considering the two of them were soulmates. He got a notification that Jared had texted him, which, weird

 **Jared: Dude**

 **Jared: Colors are amazing**

 **Jared: Holly fucking shit**

 _You: You met your soulmate?_

 **Jared: Yeah dude**

 **Jared: And guess what**

 **Jared: Turns out you're not the only fabulous one**

 _You: What?_

 **Jared: My soulmate is a guy**

 **Jared: A very handsome guy with the best sense of humor**

 **Jared: I also overheard something about who your soulmate might be**

Oh god, that couldn't be good, Jared was still typing

 **Jared: So, I'm going to give you a chance to fess up now**

 **Jared: Or I'll ask him tomorrow ?)**

Definitely not good, shit, ok, you really don't want him to cause a scene, and you known Jared your whole life, he will, so you take a deep breath and prepare for the worst

 _You: Fine_

 _You: My soulmate is Connor Murphy_

 _You: Happy?_

 **Jared: Yes!**

 **Jared: Ha! I knew I was right**

 **Jared: Man, talk about bad luck**

 **Jared: Like, you got so close to Zoe**

 _You: Jared_

 **Jared: Right**

 **Jared: You realized you're actually way too gay for that**

 _You: Stop_

 **Jared: Does he know you think he's breathtaking?**

 _You: Please don't tell him_

 **Jared: Oh?**

 **Jared: Why not?**

 **Jared: He's your soulmate**

 _You: What if we're only like_

 _You: Platonic soulmates_

 **Jared: I forgot you know a weird amount about soulmates**

 _You: I know_

 **Jared: I won't say anything**

 **Jared: If you don't tell your mom about me having a soulmate**

 **Jared: I want my parents to learn it from me**

 _You: Of course_

 **Jared: Neat**

~^~^~^~^~^[Leter breack]^~^~^~^~

 _Dear Evan Hansen today was a good day and here's why_

 _Today you told your mom you had a soulmate, and who that soulmate was, and she didn't hate you like you were sure she would. You then spent yet another afternoon in the abandoned apple orchard with Connor, and he has a lot more in common with you than you first thought, you talked about your likes and dislikes, he's very passionate about books, you really like the way he smiles with his whole face. Jared knows too but he was surprisingly nice about it, and though that's a bit odd, you're not going to complain_

 _There were a few bumps along the way, but you think… you really believe things might get better_

 _Sincerely, me_


	12. Color me dulled (part 1)

When Connor woke up he felt like shit, in the sense that he had gotten up of his bed only to fall face first into the floor, the sound brought Zoe to his room

"Are… are you ok"

"Zoe?"  
"How are… why is everything spinning?"

Zoe walked to him carefully, like she was dealing with an injured animal, any other time it would've pissed Connor off, but right now his head was just constant buzzing

"Jesus, you're burning up"

She helped him up and put him back into bed, Connor didn't complain, he felt his body weighted a ton, then there was his mom, pressing her cool hand against his forehead, saying something about a fever, and then his eyes felt dry so he closed them and everything seemed to quiet down after that

[POV change]

Evan noticed something wrong the moment he woke up, it was like someone had dumped a bucketful of water over the entire world, Evan imagined this is how water colors looked like, he hadn't really checked, he just knew the colors were watered down and mixing into each other; and it made him worry about Connor

The thing people tend to avoid when talking about soulmates is what happens when you lose yours. Everyone talked about the colors, about how pretty they were, about how they changed your life, and Evan could confirm it was true for the most part; soulmates gave you color… and it was soulmates that took it away too, if you lost your soulmate, there would be no color, just black and white, and people didn't like to talk about it, because how do you deal with having to go back to life before the colors, to life before them?

So Evan spent the first few hours of school worrying, had something happened to Connor? Was he alright? Was he dying? Evan almost even wondered if perhaps Connor had done something, but kept himself from going there. Still, as soon as he saw Zoe that day he did something normal Evan would never be able to do, he approached her, all but made a b line her way, because he was way too worried about his soulmate for anything else to register, there was an explanation for this, surely

"Hey Zoe"  
"Oh, hi Evan"

"I was meaning to ask, is Connor ok?"

Zoe frowned, and then the situation seemed to sink in to her

"Can you like, tell?"

Evan nodded slowly, so he wasn't ok? She smiled brightly, like she found the idea of Evan being able to tell when Connor was doing badly fascinating  
"He's just sick, mom says it's just a fever"  
Evan felt a weight lifting off his body, feeling a bit more settled

"Oh"

"So, how did you know?"

The problem with Evan being relieved is that he lost whatever was making him sound like a functioning human being

"I uh… the colors, they're different? Like w-watered down? It… it's sort of h-hard to expl-ain"

He saw the way her face lit up, and now that he had seen Connor smiling he could see the differences between his and Zoe's smiles, was it biased to say he liked Connor's better? Or that they look more real? It definitely was, he probably should be talking with Zoe while having very gay thoughts about her brother

"I-I have to… go now, so, uh, bye"

Later that day, during lunch he was approached by a guy who he had never seen before, he was tall-ish, with black hair and red highlights, and green eyes, he gave Evan an easy going smile

"Hey there, you're Evan, right?"

"Y-yes?"

"Sorry, I'm Trevor; Jared said you were soulmates with Murphy?"

It took Evan a minute to remember where he recognized the name from, in front of him was Jared's soulmate

"I, uh… I am"  
"That's perfect, I share classes with him and Mrs. Rumley wanted me to pass him the homework assignment, but I figured you'd have more chances of seeing him than I do"

Trevor pulled out a printed page with questions, Mrs. Rumley was the English teacher, so Evan figured it was something to do with a book, Connor liked to read…

"Oh, yeah, sure"

"Thanks dude"

He smiled at him again before walking to a table filled with other people with strangely colored hair, probably his friends. Jared came to the cafeteria a little after, and sat down with Evan with a pleased smile, Evan must have made a face because Jared raised his eyebrow at him

"You look like you've just seen the weirdest thing possible"

"Does your soulmate know he has red streaks in his hair?"

Jared laughed loudly

"I thought the same thing"


	13. Color me dulled (part 2)

The rest of lunch goes in a blur, and then Evan is walking to the Murphy residence, the colors have not changed again since this morning, and while that means Connor hasn't gotten better, it also means that he hasn't gotten worse, and that's definitely a good thing

He makes it to the Murphy household and rings the bell before he can think too hard about who would open it, trying to stop his mind from reeling, it's a process. A woman opens the door and Evan immediately knows she's Connor's mom, her hair is more like Zoe's, but she has the same brown eyes, and at the same time she doesn't, Connor's are harsher, and a bit cloudier, she looks a lot like him, or maybe Evan has that backwards? Anyway, he probably looks weird just standing there, he manages to speak

"Mrs. Murphy?"

[POV change]

Cynthia Murphy had spent the majority of her day taking care of her son; Connor went in and out of sleep by waves, but thankfully he hadn't lost his appetite due to the sickness. She wasn't really expecting anyone to ring the bell, but she couldn't very well ignore whoever it was

When she opened the door she saw a boy around Connor's age standing awkwardly, he seemed caught unguarded by her, maybe he had the wrong address?

"Mrs. Murphy?"

Or maybe not, he looked like a nice kid, if a bit shy, so she tried her best to smile softly at him, he shifted in place

"Yes, that'd be me"  
"Oh, uh… hi, I'm E-Evan, Evan Hansen, I go to school with Connor"

It took Cynthia a moment, as she sounded the name in her head, to realize where she recognized it from

"You're Evan?"  
The boy seemed to pause, frowning for just a moment before his eyes widened

"Right, he told you, sorry, yes, I'm Evan"

Cynthia smiled, so this was Connor's soulmate, she could see why he liked him

"Would you like to come in?"  
"Oh, ah… yes, I-I would li-ke that"

Behind the polite but really awkward demeanor, it was clear that the boy was worried sick; he obviously cared about Connor, good

[POV change]

"I, erm… brought some of Connor's homework, I k-know he's not very fond of school, bu-t he likes to… to read, so I, uh, sorry"

Evan was making a fool of himself in front of his soulmate's mother, he just knew, like, who mentions their soulmate doesn't like school to their parents? Evan apparently

Mrs. Murphy simply nods in agreement and Evan wants to think it's only directed at his comment on Connor liking to read, but he knows that's not all there is to it, because surely she knew

"Would you like to see him?"

Evan nods quietly, not trusting himself to keep his mouth shut otherwise, he follows her to Connor's bedroom, he's thankfully awake when they enter the room, the colors look muddier around and on him, he gives Evan a look, half lost on why he's there, half that soft look Connor always has when he sees him

"Evan?"

"Hi"  
"I'll leave you two alone"

Evan walks in the room, grabs the desk chair and sits himself close to the bed; Connor seems to tense when he does

"What are you doing here?"

Connor's voice is groggy, like he's more asleep than awake; Evan tries not to take the question as mean

"I… the colors dulled so I, uh… I was worried"

"Oh"

And that seems to do the trick, because he relaxes, if only a little, he looks way too alert for someone who's sick

"Is… is there anyone else in the house?"  
Evan blinks at him; his tone is tight, ready to snap in some way

"Just your mom as far as I could tell"

Connor lets go of a long string of breath and finally relaxes fully, Evan doesn't pry, he figures Connor wouldn't appreciate that; instead he repeats the bit about the homework, this time including Trevor's name and his status as Jared's soulmate, Connor doesn't really recognize the name, but he says he doesn't pay attention to other students that much either way

"At least the book sounds interesting"

Evan crosses paths with Zoe on his way out of the house, she looks like she came out of Jazz band practice, she raises an eyebrow at him and Evan doesn't know what to make of it; doesn't want to know either, so he just nods at her and continues walking, Zoe doesn't stop him


	14. Color me awkward

It was three days before Connor was well enough to go back to school, three days that were spent trading texts, Evan noticed the moment Connor got better immediately, sighing in relief at the return of normal colors, so Evan was already feeling good before he saw Connor in the hall, and seeing him there made the day even better

Connor approached him first, which definitely caught the attention of a few bystanders, but Connor didn't seem to care, simply making a straight line towards Evan, while wearing that look that seemed to be reserved for him, Evan tried really hard not to read too much into it

"You look happy"

"I, ah… hi Connor, I'm glad you're better"

Connor smiled at him, softly, guarded, Evan smiled back, tiny, understanding

"Well, if it isn't acorn and hot topic"

Connor scowled, Evan closed his eyes in aggravation for a second before looking at Jared; Connor was a little impressed

"Jared"

His tone was tight, like he really didn't want to deal with this, and Connor didn't blame him, but he was also blushing, and Connor felt really gay because flustered Evan was the cutest thing

"Does Heidi know your soulmates with Beck from victorious?"  
"Wh- yes, of course I told her"

"Who's Heidi?"

They both turned to him, Jared wearing a smirk, then in almost perfect synchrony

"Why? Are you jealous?"

And

"My mom"

Jared scoffed at Evan  
"You're no fun"

"I, uh… sorry?"

Connor rolled his eyes at them, a guy approached them, he had red highlights, arched an eyebrow at Connor before gently tapping in Jared's shoulder

"Morning"

Jared jumps a bit, Connor sees Evan hide a chuckle and smiles; the guy seemed to mouth sorry at Jared who rolled his eyes

"Morning Trev, are you here to spoil my fun too?"  
"You're going to need to give me some context on that one love"

Jared turns bright fucking red and at that Connor laughs, because he thought he was gay, but leave it to Kleinman to be weak for pet names, though secretly Connor thinks he would be flustered too if his soulmate called him by a pet name… and that's a thought that needs to stop, no fantasizing about Evan when he's right there, smiling slightly at the exchange, which is adorable, Connor is weak

The situation devolves more awkwardly that it started, which is an achievement in its own right, and all four of them part ways without it ending too horribly, apparently Connor shares class with the guy, whose name is Trevor he learns, Evan shoots him one final shy smile before following after Jared to their own class. It's weird because Connor never noticed him before, and when the only connection you have to a guy is the fact that both of your soulmates basically grew together, what does that make you? Thankfully Trevor doesn't try to start a conversation or anything, when they get into the room he goes to sit by a group of people with similarly colorful hair, Connor goes to his usual spot, and that's the end of it

[POV change]

Evan's day is going nicely, but also kind of awkwardly and he hasn't decided if he can live with that, he's actually thinking about this precise matter when he stumbles into Alana. Evan knows Alana, everyone did, and likes her well enough, and appreciates her monologue-ing ways if only for the fact that he isn't expected to provide any sort of actual input other than maybe a nod here and there, which Evan can definitely do

Alana quickly goes from asking Evan about his plans for the weekend, as it was Friday, only to ramble about her own, then talking about how more people should join this or that cause because that would help the world, she was talking about bees this time around so Evan found himself nodding with more conviction than other times, bees were important. Then she noticed Evan's cast, and that derailed into a story about her grandmother that left Evan feeling a knot in his throat as she left shortly after finishing it, he found Connor not too long after and was hit with the need to tell the other just how much Evan cared for him, he settled for instead just listening to him complain about his teachers, trying to see things from his perspective so to not completely disagree with him, though Evan wasn't all that partial to confrontation, especially when there were adults involved; by the way Connor's lips kept tugging into almost smiles through his annoyance it seemed to be working, and that was more than enough for now

Realistically, Evan knew that what happened, or rather almost happened, at the orchard would come to bite him sooner or later, whether Connor finally acknowledged it happening, or by another situation like that happening; would Evan actually cross the distance if it did?


	15. Color me charmed (and hopeful)

The weekend came by a little too soon, in Connor's opinion, though there was a part of him that claimed that if Evan had survived his mom then he could do the same with Heidi Hansen, there was also another part that liked to remind Connor that Evan was a really nice quiet guy, and Connor was… well, Connor

What if Evan's mom took one look at him and decided he was terrible for her son? What if she saw through him and knew how attached he had grown to Evan? What if it weirded her out? It very well could, considering it had been only four days, a week if one counted the text exchange while Connor was sick, he had been worried about his dad finding out if Evan showed up to his house too frequently, texting had been the safer option, and what if that bothered Heidi? Had it bothered Evan, he hadn't made any comments about it, but he also looked very happy at seeing Connor again, so maybe it had? God, he hoped not

Though Connor had seen the Hansen household from outside on one occasion, it still struck him as odd how small it was compared to his own home; the smell coming from inside told Connor two things, the first one was that Ms. Hansen was definitely in the house, Evan had told him that there was a chance that wouldn't happen; and that Connor had been standing on the porch for longer than socially acceptable, and that would make Evan worry if he saw him, so Connor took a deep breath and finally walked to the door

Thankfully Evan was the one to answer the door, wearing one of those bright smiles that made everything else look duller; the ones that made Connor want to smile back, feeling lighthearted

"Hi Connor, come in"

He sees shoes by the entrance; Evan is wearing socks, so Connor takes a moment to take his shoes off, mainly because he knows Evan is trying to think of how to tell him, he can see his gears spinning behind those beautiful blue eyes, as he stood again he felt another pair of eyes on him and turned

As soon as he saw Heidi Hansen, and Connor didn't know how to feel about the fact that he only knew her name because of Kleinman, Connor realized that Evan probably looked more like his dad, her hair was a few shades lighter than Evan's, but they shared the same dark blue eyes. Then, as she took his appearance in, Connor realized that although Evan didn't look much like his mom, he definitely had absorbed her mannerisms; it was in the way she held herself, and in the soft but obviously curious smile she directed his way  
"Hello, you must be Connor, lunch will be ready in a minute, why don't you an Evan wait upstairs?"

And Connor could swear he recognized her voice from somewhere, but if she knew him, she didn't give any indication. Connor didn't ask about it, didn't even mention it to Eva, it just hung in the back of his mind, he could be imagining things for all he knew, so instead of voicing his doubts he quietly followed Evan upstairs

Evan was really glad he had cleaned his room last night, he had been feeling restless and the room had been right there, and the order made him feel just a bit better, besides it meant that now he had one less thing to worry about when showing it to Connor, not that there weren't a lot of other things for him to worry about, like the fact that there were trees painted on his walls, and didn't have any posters, and he owned way too many blue things, and if it confused Evan then it would definitely weird Connor out

Connor didn't make any bad comments, but he also made no comments at all and Evan couldn't decide which was worse

"So, what now?"

And Evan can't stop the relieves chuckle that he makes at that, Connor gives him a slightly amused look

"What?"

"I just… It's nice to know I'm not the only one without any idea of what to do is all"

And then Connor chuckles too, and it's like something breaks, and they're smiling at each other and at the awkwardness of the whole thing

At some point they got the laptop there and were now listening to Simple Plan for background music, while Evan filled Connor in on what happened in school while he was gone, the texts had been mostly to check on Connor's health, and Evan hadn't been sure if the other wanted to know about school, but now Connor had asked, not about the classes per se, but Evan included those as he rambled, Connor simply listened, making snide remarks at whatever teacher Evan mentioned, and it was extremely nice, it felt like they were close

As they dug into homemade tacos, Connor could cry at the wonderful taste of actual meat, Connor learned that Heidi Hansen was amazing, dealing both with a job and college, it was kind of impressive, but Connor knew it also meant that she probably didn't spend much time home, and he wasn't stupid, it obviously affected Evan, he could see it in the slight way his shoulders tensed as Heidi talked about her job as a nurse, and how much workload it had, the dark blue eyes that Connor liked so much seemed to glisten with anger for just a moment before they cleared, Evan's breath hitched and Connor took his hand under the table, Evan played with his fingers and that seemed to calm him

"But you're probably bored of hearing about me, why don't you tell me something about yourself?"

Connor intertwined his fingers with Evan's, he dreaded the new subject but he also didn't want to keep talking about the current one when it bothered Evan so much, somehow he manages to keep his voice even

"What do you want to know?"

"How did you meet Evan?"

Connor turns his head to his soulmate at that, because their first encounter hadn't really been all that nice, Evan gives him a look that begs him not to tell her what actually happened

"Well uhm, we actually have been attending the same schools for quite a bit, so it was a bit of a surprise, I just happened to turn his way at the right time I guess"

And it isn't entirely a lie, Evan gives him an appreciative smile so he counts it as a victory, he wishes it happened like that instead, that he hadn't been on the verge of snapping at his soulmate for something that wasn't Evan's fault at all. The story, fake as it is, seems to sound truthful enough to Heidi, who smiles softly at Connor, and he feels slightly guilty; there's a pause

"So, what do you plan to do after school?"

And it's one thing to talk about hypotheticals with someone your age, who knows the feeling of doubt that you'll pick wrong, not knowing if you're worried over ending working something you despise, or working something you don't hate but just don't love, and what if you can't pick? Then you're disappointing all these people, family, teachers, friends, Connor didn't think he had anyone to disappoint anymore, and then there was Evan, and there had been fear there mixed with every other emotion he felt towards his soulmate, but Evan hadn't known how to answer, and that had been enough not to panic then, enough for him to admit that he didn't know either

He feels Evan brushing his thumb against the back of his hand, the sensation is new but grounding, he squeezes the held hands once as a silent thanks

"I was thinking something with English, I like to read, maybe write a book"

Heidi smiles, he notices Evan smiling too in the corner of his eye

"That sounds great"

And yeah, it does, it sounds like a plan, it sounds like a promise, it sounds like something he'd like to try doing if anything, and it hits Connor that he had been avoiding thinking about it, not because he didn't know what to do, but because he didn't think he would live to do it; Heidi asks about school, Evan lets go of his hand, and Connor wonders if maybe Evan avoided these kinds of talks for the same reason


	16. Color me buzzed

If someone had told Connor Murphy at the beginning of the year that he'd be drinking with Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen, and Trevor Fletcher, he would have stared at them in utter confusion, enough the he would've forgotten to tell them to piss off, but here he was; let's rewind

After lunch Connor had followed Evan back upstairs, Connor had noticed the lack of any dad pictures, or couple pictures, and was quick to put two and two together, and Evan must have noticed, because once they were both behind the closed door of his bedroom he sat on his own bed looking resigned

"You're allowed to ask"

And there's a tone there that Connor recognizes, it's a plead, and he believes that after all the complaining he's done, it's only fair that Evan would get out some of his own

"Where's your dad?"

"He left when I was seven, my mom and him weren't soulmates, he's living in Colorado with his now, I can't remember what his voice sounds like, mom says I look like him, so I guess I know what he looks like"

His voice is bitter but exhausted, like he's said these words countless times, though Connor doesn't think that's the case

"You have your mom's eyes"

It's a weak attempt, but it brings back some light to Evan's face, then he frowns

"My mom, sh-she's… she works very ha-rd to maintain the both of us, and I know that, but she's never home, and I can't help but think… never mind"

Connor doesn't press it, doesn't need to, he knows how that sentence ends, he knows how Evan feels; so instead he carefully pulls Evan into a hug, Evan hugs back tightly for a moment before losing his grip a bit and resting his head against Connor's shoulder, he can deal with this

They're still holding onto each other on Evan's bed when the window opens and Jared Kleinman hops in, Evan doesn't react much, like this is the most normal thing ever, Connor reminds himself that this is Kleinman he's dealing with, it probably is

"Hey Acorn, you up for some drinks?"

Evan glances at Connor, Jared smiles

"Yeah, him too, Trev is waiting for me back home, it'd be a double date"

Evan flushes, opening and closing his mouth, but not exactly protesting to the suggestion, when the dark eyes go back to him Connor takes the opportunity

"You drink?"

"Yes"

"It takes forever to get him drunk too, but he's hilarious if you make it"

"Jared"

There was that tone again, tight like Evan was trying really hard not to say something, and there had to be some amount of trust there for Evan to forgo controlling his voice, it gave Connor an odd feeling but he decided to ignore it, Kleinman was an asshole, but he was Evan's friend, and Connor would rather have less things to potentially fuck up whatever relationship he had with his soulmate

"Sure, I'm in"

So that's how Connor wound up in Jared Kleinman's house, squished in a sofa that he's sure was not designed for two people with Evan Hansen, confused at the way Trevor Fletcher uncaps the bottles like he's moving to a tune only he hears, while Jared watches as if transfixed on the process. He'll admit he's a bit buzzed, but by the slight increase in weight he feels so is Evan, he's not sure how the ended in this shitty seat when there's a much wider couch that nobody is using, but Connor's totally fine with being this close to Evan, so he doesn't make any comments

"Have you realized that the t-rex is the only animal who we call by its scientific name?"

And there was the other thing, Evan and Trevor had seamlessly tangled themselves in a conversation of sorts, were both seemed to try and outdo the other in random facts, or thoughts that only sounded philosophical in particular moments, say when you're showering, Connor figures Evan has some muscle beneath those clothes, or rather he's pretty sure he felt some when he hugged him, but thinking about his soulmate being strong, and thinking about Evan naked in the shower, are two different things, Connor somehow manages to keep his thoughts from straying to the later

There's a burning sort of feeling he gets when he sees the way Jared and Trevor act around each other, even now that they're drunk, because it's the way everyone says soulmates should act, like they're already head over heels for each other, like they've been in love since forever and not just a few days. And then there's Evan and Connor, who have known for longer than them, and have had nothing if not good interactions so far, but seem to be dancing circles around each other, and in his still not quite drunk state of mind, Jared and Trevor are light weights, he knows it to be mutual, this distance between them

Connor knows himself well enough to know he'll be drunk on the next drink, but a look at Evan nursing his own glass of beer with a small smile at the other duo makes him decide not to take it, Evan catches him staring, and takes a sip before smiling at him

"What?"

"You're beautiful"

It comes out before he can stop it, Evan flushes, and Connor feels like he's sobering up too fast at the possibility that he screwed up

"Oh"

And there's a shadow of a smile there, like Evan doesn't quite believe him, and that's even worse than the alternative, but then dark blue eyes return to him

"Well, I think you're breathtaking"

And there was that smile Connor was more familiar with, the one that he thought was reserved for him, it was a nice thought, even if Connor really didn't see why Evan would think him breathtaking, of all things. He was a bit out of it, a little too warm, not logic enough, the one sensible thought in his mind 'if you're doing this, be gentle', he placed a hand on Evan's cheek softly

"Can I kiss you?"

Evan looked shocked, mouth opening and closing uselessly, checks flushed, Connor hadn't noticed the freckles before, or the specs of green in his eyes, finally Evan nodded

"Yes"

His breath tasted of beer and something else, something sweeter, it was soft and easy, the easiest thing ever, unsure hands gently tangling into Connor's long hair, lips kissing back, it was perfect


	17. Color me restless

_Dear Evan Hansen_

 _Today will be a good day, and here's why_

Evan bites his lips, backspaces, trying again

 _Dear Evan Hansen_

 _Saturday was a good day because you've kissed your soulmate, do drunk kisses count? Was the kiss drunk if you were only slightly buzzed? Was Connor drunk?_

~^~^~^~^~^[Over]^~^~^~^~

No, that doesn't work either, the words he wants to say are definitely there, but not the way he wants to say them, he tries again

~^~^~^~^~^[Letter breack]^~^~^~^~

 _Dear Evan Hansen_

 _Today started awkwardly, because you spent last night drinking with Jared and his soulmate, and you're going to have to make another letter because there's no way in hell you're going to let your therapist know you drink underage, what did you get yourself into?_

 _The actual thing you were worried about? That lunch that sounded like you were introducing your SO? Well, that went ok actually, better than you thought it would, at least your mom seems to like Connor, which is nice. Connor let you complain about your family, and didn't make you feel like you were bad for thinking the way you do, which was also nice_

 _Then Jared came over to invite you to drink, and you accepted because Connor looked… surprised? Let's go with that; and you kind of wanted to prove something. But it was a bad idea because you ended up kissing Connor, well, he kissed you, but you think he might have been drunk, and what if he doesn't remember it? Oh god_

 _Sincerely panicking_

 _Me_

~^~^~^~^~^[Over]^~^~^~^~

Yeesh, definitely writing a second letter, but he would keep this one, if only because it gave him less things to think about, emptied his reeling mind a bit, if you would, it still was in no way something he could show his therapist…

~^~^~^~^~^[Letter breack]^~^~^~^~

 _Dear Evan Hansen_

 _Today is going to be a good day, and here's why_

 _Today is Sunday, which means that you can stay at home, which means you get time to not do anything, and that's nice_

 _You were worried about having Connor over yesterday, but it turned out better than you expected, you actually, legitimately, believe your mom likes him, and that makes you happy, because you like him a lot_

 _Jared invited the two of you over to spend some time with him and his soulmate, Trevor is actually nice to talk to, he knows a lot about way too many things, and he seems to like Jared a lot, they act very much like soulmates, or the way one would expect soulmates to act around each other, at least_

 _And you hope that maybe, one day, you might get to that point with Connor, it's a bit of a high aim, but you're allowed to wish_

 _Sincerely me_

~^~^~^~^~^[Over]^~^~^~^~

[POV change]

The moment he returned home, after sobering up as per Evan's insistence, he made a straight path to his room, dropped into the bed, and was instantaneously attacked by his brain, why? Because Connor Murphy kissed his soulmate, he had actually, somehow, managed to kiss Evan Hansen, who he had the gayest crush for, and miraculously, Evan had kissed back. And all that would've been a great thing… if it wasn't for one tiny, itsy bitsy problem: They had both been more drunk than sober

It was a problem because that meant things were going to become awkward again, and that was a sad thought, an inevitable consequence. And what if Evan had been drunk, and not just buzzed like Connor had thought, Jared swore that Evan was the kind of happy drunk that laughed every two or so words, but maybe there were levels to it?

He should be guilty about it, really, and the possibility of it not having been as consensual as he thought did sit wrong with him, but he was also reeling because, holly shit, he had kissed Evan! It was a weird cycle, to be sure

The worst part was that Connor had definitely had a perfect opportunity before that, back on the orchard, he had realized it way later, but it had been there, and that would have been easier to deal with because both of them would have been perfectly sober, and Connor would have only had to worry about rejection, god, what was he going to do on Monday?

There was a knock on the door frame, which lacked a proper door for reasons, Connor had started forgetting to close other doors and blamed it entirely on this one fact, he looked away from his ceiling to see his sister looking a bit uncertain in the hall

"Are you high?"

"No"

He had been on one of those periods where he tried to quit before he met Evan, and had plenty to distract him since, it was progress; Zoe frowned

"You reek"

"I was drinking"

"I thought you were with Evan"

"Also with Kleinman and Fletcher"

"Evan drinks?"  
"I was surprised too, but apparently he and Kleinman are drinking buddies"

"And Trevor was there because…?"

"Wait, you know the guy?"

"Oh… sure, he's in the yearbook committee"

"He's Jared's soulmate, apparently"

"Poor guy"

Connor laughs at that; and he's pretty sure Zoe's looking at him like he grew a second head again, only when he looks she has a small smile on her

"You've been acting a bit odd"

She means that he hasn't snapped or bit back since Monday, or less than he usually does at least, and it's a bit sad that him acting… not shitty, is something odd to her

"I uh, think… I'm having some good influence"

Zoe grins at that, he knew she would, she's always been fascinated by the concept of soulmates, she takes a tentative step forward, eyes fixed on Connor, he pats a spot near him to imply she can walk into his room, honestly glad she's asking permission on the first place

"Can I ask what he's like?"

"That's gonna get gay pretty fast"

"You like him then?"

Connor lets out a long sigh

"I'm fully convinced that it's impossible to not like Evan"

"That's actually pretty sweet"

"Oh gee, thanks"

"You know what I mean"  
Connor rolls his eyes at her because he does, but there's no way he's giving her that, and it occurs to him that this is the nicest moment they've had in ages, and that's big, that's huge, and he wants it to happen more, but he isn't sure how to go about it


	18. Color me pining

The rest of the time leading to Monday felt as though Connor was treading through glass, avoiding his dad, but helping his mom if he could, trying extremely hard not to break the sort of peace he had managed with Zoe, all under the confused gaze of all three of his family members, Larry only affected him during the short moments that he had to be in the same room as him, but still

By the time he got to school on Monday his hands were twitching, and if he didn't hold his mouth together his lips would start shaking, he needed something to get his mind off the need to smoke. Evan was waiting for him near his locker, and that was a bit terrifying, because if he didn't act different then that would mean he didn't remember, and if he did act different that meant he would want to talk about it, when Evan didn't immediately un-tense upon seeing him, like he had been doing so far, he realized it was the second one and quickly decided that was the worst scenario, he felt his hand going to his lips from muscle memory, today was going to be a long day

[POV change]

Evan had made up his mind when he got out of home that morning, he would talk to Connor about the kiss, clear things up, and try not to break down if the outcome is bad. He doesn't remember ever feeling this sure about anything, but he reasons it's better to get it over with as soon as possible, like ripping of a bandage

Connor makes his way to Evan, looking a bit high-strung, his colors are sharp, but if Evan lets himself worry about it he's never going to get this out

"Hi Evan"

Even his voice sounds like a way to tight string, and it occurs to Evan that he's in dangerous territory, but he's stubborn at fault

"I need to… about Saturday, do you uhm… how much do you remember?"

Somehow, and Evan has no idea how exactly, those seem to be the words Connor needs to hear, because his hands loosen, and Evan hadn't even noticed they were curled into fists on the first place, his posture remains tensed though

"Could we, do this somewhere more private?"

Evan lets out a breath he hadn't known he was holding

"Please"

They walk to the nearest bathroom, nobody uses this one in particular for some reason, and it isn't the best place to have this sort of discussion, but it will have to do

The moment they're alone, Evan takes a deep breath, stilling himself for whatever aftermath this causes, he avoids looking at Connor directly, unaware that it's making his soulmate nervous

"YoukissedmeandIwanttoknowifyoumeantanythingbyitbecauseIdidandIwouldliketoknowifI'mruiningeverythingpleasestopm-"  
"Breathe Ev"  
Evan does, but his eyes are still everywhere but on Connor's

[POV change]

Connor only understood a few stray words from the sentence, Evan had been talking way too fast, trying to make sense of what was said with them to no avail  
"Could you, maybe, say that again... slowly"  
"You... kissed me"  
Connor tried to swallow but found his mouth dry, still, he nodded

"Do you… like me? Because I, well… I like you, and I'm sorry if that ruins anything, I just fi-figured you deser-ved to know"

"You like me?"

Evan closed his eyes tightly, like that would make him disappear, how many times had Connor done the same thing, that he recognized it in a heartbeat?

"Yes"

It's as though someone has cut the weight that was pulling him down through the day, and there has to be a mistake, because there's no way something this good is happening to Connor; but Evan looks completely honest, and then he seems to start recoiling into himself, and Connor has to do something now, before he ruins everything

"I meant it… the kiss, I mean, I-ah I like you too"

"Really?"

His tone of voice is unbelieving, but extremely hopeful, and he gives Connor that soft smile that's reserved for moments like this, it's enough to make Connor's heart do somersaults, he caused that. He smiles back, softly, just as unbelieving, and Evan takes a step forward

"I'm gonna do something bold"

The smile is tugging at his lips, trying to become wider, he's really close

"Ok?"

He reaches a hand to his cheek, glancing at his lips quickly before, finally, making eye contact, and that's all the warning he gets before he's being kissed, Connor takes no time kissing back. Now that there's no alcohol involved it was just sweet, with a hint of mint, and it was different, but it was still enough to make Connor feel like he was on cloud fucking nine

Evan pulls apart eventually, but doesn't move too far, which Connor is perfectly ok with, and he's grinning now, and it's that grin that makes the word look dim, but it's meant only for Connor to see, and there's something intimate about it, and Connor decides to join Evan in the whole doing bold things thing

"Do you wanna go out? I mean, like in a date"

Evan blushes, and isn't that the just the cutest sight?

"Yes! I mean, yes… I'd like that"

"After school then"

"Sounds great"

Connor nods, stepping away from their current position reluctantly, mainly because he knows Evan will freak out if he's late for class

"See you at lunch?"

Evan gives him another of those beautiful smiles, still flustered

"Of course"


	19. Color me for the better

Trevor was really good at reading people, and he found the colors made little difference on it; he tried not to do it with his soulmate, because he wanted Jared to be the one to tell him about himself, instead of figuring things out on his own, but it was hard

The problem wasn't stopping per se; the problem was that Jared had a tendency to affect others while trying to keep his mask up, and though he really didn't want to meddle, he figured it would be better if he did on this one particular instance

Here's the whole picture: Jared Kleinman knew Evan Hansen since diapers, this meant that when Evan formed a crush on one Zoe Murphy Jared immediately found out; Trevor Fletcher was Jared's soulmate so he had been made aware of this information too; Evan was soulmates with Connor Murphy, Zoe's older brother; Jared had a long list of teasing comments about the fact that Evan liked both Murphy siblings; Connor was specially irked by anything Jared said, and looked like the type to be protective of his siblings; Trevor read enough to know it would blow out of proportion

Hence, here he was, striding through the school yard to where Connor Murphy was resting on the wall, looking at his fingers as if they held the answers to everything, Trevor reasoned that the other was trying really hard not to smoke, good for him

"Hey Murphy"

Connor looks at him with disoriented eyes, Trevor waits a beat, Connor seems to finally focus

"Fletcher"

Trevor gave a quick nod, or a short bow, depending on who was looking, and then quickly set on thinking how to say what he wanted

"Look, I need to tell you something about Evan, without upsetting you?"

Connor separates from the wall, considering Trevor for a moment before rolling his eyes

"You're doing fantastic"

Trevor takes the sarcasm like a good sign and chuckles

"Fair, but seriously, your soulmate had a crush, and like, not my business, but you should know because Jared will definitely bug you about it"

Connor raises an eyebrow; his expression doesn't betray any emotion otherwise

"So you do know he's an ass"

Trevor slumps a bit, avoiding eye contact

"I adore him, but he doesn't have the best effect on people"

Connor seems to shove his hands on his pockets

"No shit"

Trevor suppressed a huff

"Look, just… maybe talk to about it with Evan?"

Connor gives him a calculating look; Trevor shrugs visibly and decides this has been a satisfactory chat

"Food for thought"

He leaves then, feeling like he'd overstate his welcome otherwise, even though they're in the school yard, and Connor certainly doesn't own the place, but the guy has a reputation, and Trevor isn't going to play with fire if he can avoid it

[POV change]

By the time the bell for lunch rings, Connor has gone through a list of all the possibilities for Evan's crush, which went from literally anyone, to only the one person once Connor weighted the fact that Jared would bother him about it. Sure, Evan could perfectly had had a crush on someone who's name Connor had never heard about, and Jared would bring it up just to see if it would get a rise out of Connor; but Connor had had crushes too at one point, never like what he felt towards Evan, but enough that he could just brush it off with minor annoyance, because Jared simply had that effect on him. No, if Trevor was warning Connor it was because whoever Evan had had a crush on was someone who's sole name could send Connor's head reeling, and that could only be the one person

So here was Connor, waiting for his soulmate on the hall to walk him to lunch, after having almost burned a circle in the men's bathroom trying to come to terms with the fact that Evan used to like his sister; it was a process. Still, considering the two of them were soulmates, they would have to discuss this, and well, today had started like shit either way, might as well throw more wood into the fire, his hands itched, Jesus, he needed a smoke

Evan came out of the classroom looking a bit lost in thought, then his eyes fell on Connor and he gave him one of those tiny smiles, the ones that were impossible not to smile back at, the ones that were reserved for school because anything else would bring too much attention to Evan, Connor needs to get them away from prying eyes and ears

"Let's eat outside"

Evan grins at the prospect, of course he does, and of course Connor finds it endearing. If he were in a romance novel, Connor wouldn't actually mention the fact that he knew about Evan's past crush on his sister, it would just be bottled up until it exploded on them both, and it would turn into a fight, and while they're fighting Evan would grow closer to Zoe, which would only make things worse, and it would all come crashing down with one of them hurt… and Connor should really stop reading Zoe's books

The sat under the school tree, Evan mentions it's a type of Evergreen and that's why it's the sole survivor in school, which is really cool, and the bark felt grounding against his back, and the air sharp; and he had no idea what he said to bring up the subject, but now Evan was looking at him with a hint of panic, Connor says it's ok, promises he won't get mad

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours"

And he makes his voice as reassuring as he can, Evan gets a bit flustered, but manages to take a deep breath; and Connor feels himself flush at the slight feeling of pride that gives him

"You'd kill me"

And he gives a tight lipped smile because that just proves his theory, but he wants to try doing better, because Evan inspired him to do as much

"You had a crush on Zoe, didn't you?"

Evan bits his lips and nods, Connor rolls his eyes, then Evan does the second boldest thing sans kissing him, he takes Connor's hand, catching his attention

"For what it's worth, I like you better"

If Connor wasn't blushing before he definitely is now, but he looks away, because here's an opportunity

"I want to fix things with her; we uh... don't have the best relationship"

Evan nods, quiet, understanding, how did Connor get this lucky?


	20. Color me stoked

When Evan thought about telling Connor about his past crush on his sister, it was inevitable really, it usually took place in a point in their relationship where it wouldn't have any chance of repercussion; so when Connor brought the subject up he felt dread, still, he answered truthfully, he didn't want to lie to him. The surprising part wasn't how tame the reaction he got from Connor was, ok, that was extremely surprising, no lies; but Evan was way more impressed with how he reassured Connor, because holly shit, where the hell had that come from? But there's no room to overthink it because Connor takes the compliment on stride, and then turns the conversation about how he wants to try mending things with Zoe, and Evan doesn't need to know much about their relationship to realize how heavy that is

Before lunch ended though, Connor checked if Evan was still up for the whole going out thing, which, of course he was, and had all but walked him to his next class; which meant that Evan spent the rest of the day fighting an inner battle between being worried over the one hundred and one ways in which everything could go wrong, and the fact that holly shit, he had a date with his soulmate

"I have a date with Connor Murphy"

"I'm very happy you've embraced your gayness, but that's not gonna help me with chemistry"

Evan blinks, refocusing on Jared, who has the biggest shit eating grin ever

"I'm bi"

And he doesn't know why he's clarifying this, but Jared makes a hand gesture combined with an eye roll, and that means that it isn't out of place, at the very least; but Jared couldn't care less. Jared continues to be unhelpful after he asks Evan for details on who confessed to who, only making a face and a comment about the bathroom, Evan doesn't defend the bathroom, it was definitely not the place he would have imagined confessing to someone in, but a lot of things are different now, and there's the thing, things have changed

Isn't it weird, and crazy, and sort of wonderful, that they have? Should they have? It's been only a week or so, how is everything so different now? And why does it make Evan so happy? He asks none of these questions, doesn't think Jared will know the answers at all, though he might understand where they come from, the day passes slowly

[POV change]

Connor felt as though he was running on pure energy, he didn't have this planned or anything, god he hoped what he came up would be ok, he waited for Evan in the lockers, maybe if everything went ok he could get flowers for the next date, he figured Evan would love flowers; maybe he was thinking too far into this

When Evan rounded the corner he saw Connor, and almost immediately smiled at him and hurried his steps, he looked just as excited as Connor felt, that's kind of endearing. He stops right in front of Connor, still smiling brightly, and Connor likes him a lot

"Ready?"

"S-sure"

Connor takes them for ice cream, to a small parlor he used to go to with his family when they visited the orchard, the business is called A la mode, and Connor was pleasantly surprised when he found out it was still open; specially because he remembered it having the best sundaes

Evan starts all but shaking in place when they get inside, and it Connor doesn't have to be a genius to recognize the signs, so he decides that maybe staying there isn't the best idea, but he knows exactly where to take Evan after they get their ice cream

"What do you want? We can eat them at the orchard"

And he knew it was the right thing to say by the way Evan turned to him, sheepish smile trying to shape in his lips, at least he stopped shaking

"I'll have bitter chocolate and strawberry please"

Connor smiled softly at him

"Cool, wait right here"

He motions to one of the colorful tables, this one in particular is painted purple and he's not sure why he notices this, he goes to the counter, orders the two flavored cone for Evan and a sundae for himself, and returns to his soulmate so they can leave this way-too-empty ice cream parlor in favor for the abandoned orchard

They walk there, it's almost literally right across the street, and it's a nice day, Evan looks extremely happy with his ice cream, and Connor makes a point to keep his eyes on his sundae, because there's a fine line here, and he's not veering so close to it this early on, not if he can help it

Setting foot in the orchard always gives him this sense of finally breathing, and he allows himself to watch as Evan's expression morphs into pure wonder, and he reasons that it doesn't really matter how many times they end up here; that expression will never change. He thinks he could live with that, like he thinks he could get used to any and all things that have to do with Evan being himself, all the little quirks that make his soulmate, from the rambling and sometimes radio silence, to the hands that can never stay put for too long, that fiddle with the hem of the cast, reminding Connor that that still exists, and still has his name across it in big bold letters

This moment of… peace, if Connor is being completely honest; it's a moment that he wants to live in, a moment he wishes he could stretch on for an eternity. Just sitting on the grass with Evan, enjoying something cold and sweet, no need for words, no rush to change anything even though this is supposed to be their first date, it just feels like both of them are just… more comfortable with each other, and that's important, that's heavy

Evan glances at him smiling brightly, the sunlight tints his colors a yellowish hue, and he looks at Connor as though he really believes him breathtaking, and, if only for that moment, Connor is inclined to believe him… progress


	21. Color me worried (part 1)

Somebody who lived too much for their age, was probably the kind of person who came up with the phrase 'nothing good ever stays'. Evan could testify how right they had been, whoever they were

And it was bullshit because Evan Hansen was actually happy for once, and apparently the universe couldn't deal with that; what started as a perfect day evolved into the worst day possible, or well, almost, Connor was still here even after everything, and that was such an amazing thing, and Evan had no idea how he'd gotten so lucky, but he was allowed to be upset, all things considered; let's rewind

After spending the better part of the afternoon on the orchard, Connor drove Evan home; he hadn't felt ready to go to his house yet, he was glad for it, he should have known the moment he saw his mom's car on the driveway, should have realized something was wrong

It goes slowly at first, Evan tenses at the car, not really ready to face his mom, Connor holds his hand, and it's surprisingly reassuring, and he isn't sweating just yet, so it's ok. There are voices coming from inside the house, and that's new, that's telling, it should have risen a million and two red flags, but Evan ignored the warnings

Then it happened all at once, Evan opened the door, walked into the living room, and was met with a man that looked a lot like him; and with a very tense looking Heidi Hansen, it didn't take long for him to realize this was his father. Richard Hansen was a bit taller than Evan, and his hair was darker, but otherwise Evan seemed to be a carbon copy, except the eyes, where Evan's eyes are dark blue, and specks of green with the right light, Richard's eyes are a light, almost yellow shade of brown, yet despite the similarity, he still doesn't fully process that he's related to this man

What is he doing here? What right does he have to just come into his life now, when he never bothered to even call for ten years? Who gave him the right to just stand in the living room as if nothing was wrong? How dare he look at where Evan's hand is still intertwined with Connor's with that flash of rejection!

"Why is he here?"

Evan speaks directly to Heidi, obviously ignoring the man in the room, Connor knows exactly who the man is, it's impossible not to with the resemblance; the man doesn't seem to take the hint

"I wanted to come see you, and invite you to meet your siblings, now that they're old enough"

[POV change]

Everything turns sharp in a second, and it's so easy to tell why exactly, Connor runs on instinct, he coaxes Evan away, pulls him as gently as he can to the other's room, the door closes behind him with a soft click, and Evan is breathing erratically, and his eyes are glossy, and it's the most terrifying thing that's ever happened to Connor, but he somehow manages a tone of voice that's entirely careful

"Hey Ev, come on, I need you to breathe"

Everything stilled for a moment, as blue eyes focused on Connor, and then all at once Evan's face contorted into a grimace

"Oh god"

Evan's voice wavers, and it sounds so vulnerable, it tugged at Connor's heart, Evan was still breathing erratically, he all but collapsed on Connor; the colors were so sharp, it's wrong, and for moments the colors blink, and Connor holds Evan a little tighter, head reeling

"Heidi!"

She rushes to the room, and she must see something wrong because she goes for her phone right after, when she's done talking she instructs Connor to get both Evan and himself sitting, so that if they fall they won't be as far from the ground, everything happens in flashes, Connor tries not to go into a panic attack himself, there's an ambulance at the door, he feels extremely heavy while the paramedics take Evan away but he doesn't protest it, Heidi talks to him softly and guides him outside, she convinces the paramedics to let him ride with Evan, she'll get there with her car

They get to the hospital, Connor watches as Evan is pulled out of sight in a carrier, he sits down in the waiting room, and tries to make sense of what just happened, of why his soulmate is now in a hospital, when Heidi appears in the waiting room with Evan's father on tow Connor feels the anger clawing at his throat, he knows, realistically, that it's none of his business, but that doesn't stop him, it's been a bit since he's had an episode, but nothing ever lasted that long

When people talk about anger, they mention your sight going red, Connor can confirm this, he remembers pondering how Evan was reacting to this, only to remember that Evan is being treated right now for god knows what, everything blurs into a single red tonality as Connor's eyes zero on the man that's looking at him like he's the one who shouldn't be here, and he snaps

Connor wishes he could say he regrets it, any of the words he said to Richard Hansen, whose name he learns during the shouting match that ensues; he really fucking wishes he could, but he doesn't

The only thing Connor feels, once he comes to, once he's said his piece, once he's somehow sent the man away; it's an all-encompassing worry, he stares at his own hands, watching the pink dance, blur, sharpen, dull, they even disappear for one heart stopping moment, but then they return and Connor can breathe again, Heidi asks if he's going to stay here, he doesn't think he'd be able to keep himself sane if he didn't


	22. Color me worried (part 2)

His phone vibrates in his pocket, it does for a long while before Connor actually takes it out, the colors are grayish right now and he doesn't know how to feel about it, but his mom is calling and well, he needs to talk to somebody

"Connor, where are you? Are you ok?"

"Mom, I'm ok but… I'm in the hospital"

"What happened? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, I just… mom, I'm here for Evan"

"Oh, Connor! Is he ok?"

"I… he's alive right now, I think, I don't know, god"

So he tells her, tells her about how the colors changed, how they went away for a moment, and it's good, to tell someone, it doesn't actually help, Connor is now crying, but it's something. He watches as a doctor approaches Heidi

"I have to go, I'll call you latter"

His mom sounds understanding as she hangs up; he walks in the direction of the two adults speaking, and catches bits and pieces of the conversation, the doctor talks about asphyxiation, about Evan's brain having shut down for a moment, he reasons that's when the colors went away

"He's stable now, but he'll have to stay overnight, just to make sure"

Heidi nods heavily; Connor feels his throat burning from when he cried

"Can I see him?"

They both turn to him, Heidi with an expression Connor recognizes, like she's looking for something to relate to, he knows it better than he likes to admit

"Only family allowed"

"Please, I'm his soulmate"

The doctor's face softens, and there's something akin to pity there that Connor refuses to acknowledge

"That should work"

Have you ever been in a hospital room? Ever had to see someone lying on that too-clean bed, covered in tubes and surrounded by monitors? It reeks of disinfectant, the lights are way too bright, the beeping is both irritating and reassuring in spades. This is what everyone seems to know about hospitals, Connor Murphy had been in hospital rooms before, but never as a visitor, and there's something truly heart wrenching in how pale Evan looks, how fragile he seems, but there's also something hopeful, even though he's connected to a machine so that he might get oxygen back in his body

Connor sits on a chair that faces the bed, feeling exhausted… yeah, that's the main feeling he's getting, now that he can see Evan, can hear his heart beating through mechanical beeps, has factual proof that his soulmate is alive… healing

Healing is such an odd word choice, Connor knows it's supposed to be hopeful, and he guesses it is, in a way, but there's still dread that has filled Connor's entire being, all the way to his bones, his eyes stay on Evan, and he finds himself synchronizing their breathing, it's a long process that leaves him too aware of how he's doing it, but it serves as a distraction, he doesn't notice his eyes closing

[POV change]

Heidi had recognized Connor the moment he had first set foot on her home, the Murphy boy, his hair was longer, he looked every bit as pale as the last time she had seen him, and that was concerning because the last time he was in a hospital bed, after having made an attempt on his life. Now here he was, asleep in an uncomfortable plastic chair, looking entirely as exhausted as she felt, after being so desperate to see Evan, to see with his own eyes, to make sure he was really ok

He had been worried sick, she knew as soon as he returned from his phone call, eyes looking red, he had cried for her son, for his soulmate; it was so easy to remember that the two were soulmates, in the anger with which Connor had told Richard off, and in how he looked now, asleep as he was, a combination of heartbreak and relief, still shaken by everything that had happened

She didn't have the heart to pull him away from the room, but visit hours would be over soon, so she approached him, not sure on how to go about waking him, when a groan brought her attention back to Evan

Evan blinked awake, his eyes roamed the room, when they fell on Connor he tried to sit and Heidi had to hold him down, his eyes focused on her then

"It's ok honey, he's just asleep, you've both been through a lot"

Evan nodded slowly, hand going to the oxygen mask, she stopped him again, he looked so lost

"You should wait until the doctors say it's ok to pull that off, just in case"

He nods again, eyes going back to the sleeping teen in the room, and Heidi sees the worry in his eyes, like he's afraid Connor will fade away, and she realizes that he probably knows about him

It makes sense, the more she thinks about it, the way Evan had looked at Connor when he talked about maybe going to college, like it was something unexpected, there had been surprise mixed with something like pride, but there had also been something else there, something raw, like Evan found the idea of Connor even considering college a miracle, but Heidi had been busy seeing how at ease Evan was around Connor to think about it too much

All Heidi Hansen had left to wander, as she left the hospital room, was how to approach her son about it, she would have to wait, until he was back home, the two seemed to trust each other plenty, but she needed to know, how much Evan knew, how much he had told Connor, how close they had gotten in the week that they'd known each other, Heidi wanted to know how strong their bond was


	23. Color me joyful

When Evan wakes up again Connor is no longer in the chair, and he hopes he went home at some point and got some actual rest, he had looked exhausted; instead there was a doctor, who smiled when Evan's eyes fell on them

"Hello Evan, I'm Dr. Maters"

They have a nice voice, Evan thinks, they calmly explain what happened, Evan almost asphyxiated due to a hitch in his breathing, which caused his already reeling brain to go on overdrive, and almost overheat, they almost lost him for a few seconds, and he doesn't know what to feel about that, the doctor finishes by telling him he has visits, and that Evan doesn't necessarily have to wear the mask, he's not really surprised when Connor comes in, looking just as disheveled as last night, he should have known; still, it warms his heart that the other… cares? Evan wants to believe he does

[POV change]

Connor enters the room and finds Evan awake, the oxygen mask has been put away, and he smiles brightly at him, and the colors settle as he does. Connor feels as though he can finally breathe, and it must show on his face because Evan tries to sit up, face morphing into a worried expression, Connor is with him in two steps, keeping him down, Evan winces a bit but still smiles at Connor, and the next thing he knows is that he's lying in the hospital bed besides him

It's a bit awkward, and Evan is blushing, and Connor is definitely flustered himself, but after everything that had happened, being this close to one another was great, it felt almost necessary. Eventually Connor felt brave enough to reach out and make contact, hand making soft circular motions on Evan's cheek, making sure that he's really there, Evan smiles at him tiredly but still brightly, the kind of smile that's definitely reserved for Connor

Connor takes a shaky breath, voice coming out barely above a whisper, even though they're the only ones here

"I might have told your dad to fuck off"

Evan blinks at him, frowning

"I know, it wasn't my place, but I was just… I was angry at him, I guess, and I… I'm not very good at controlling my anger"

Evan's features soften, and he tucks a strand of Connor's hair behind his ear like an afterthought, there's a shadow in his eyes

"It's ok, I'm pretty angry at him myself; I wouldn't have been able to say anything though"

And for a moment Connor truly doesn't know which is better, his very external reactions, or Evan's very internal ones

[POV change]

Evan realizes at some point that Connor is skipping school to stay in the hospital with him, and there's a sense of guilt because despite knowing that Connor often skipped school, and also selfish because he really doesn't want the other to go

Later, Jared appears with Travis on tow, looking a bit winded but seemingly relaxing when he sees Evan. At this point Connor has dragged on of the chairs so that he can sit right besides Evan, after Dr. Matters came for a checkup and smiled at them knowingly, both were flustered, but apparently Connor still wanted to be at arm's length of Evan, not that he was complaining

"Heidi told me what happened"

Evan nods at Jared's statement, she was probably very worried, and when Heidi was worried but too busy to be physically there, Jared had to play the part of concerned family friend, Evan liked to believe that Jared was legitimately concerned. Speaking of, Jared had turned his attention to Connor, something odd in his expression

"Did you really scream at Richard Hansen?"

Connor shrugs

"He's a dick"

Evan lets out a loud laugh, then covers his mouth looking mortified, Jared grins broadly, Trevor frown for a moment and then his eyes widen and he cover his eyes with his hand

"Oh my god, no!"


	24. Color me sidelined (reprise)

When Connor didn't come for dinner Zoe was ready to think her brother was at a junkie's apartment, doing god knows what; but then her mom said Connor was at a friend's house, and Zoe remembered that Connor had Evan now, that they were soulmates, and that it made perfect sense for them to want to spend as much time together as possible, so she allowed herself to hope that this was the case, and ignored her dad's comments, which reared to close to what Zoe had been previously imagining

When she went to school she didn't find either Connor or Evan, so she decided to ask around, she found herself going back to Alana, who apparently shared AP biology with Evan

"Oh, you probably don't know, Jared told me that he was at the hospital"

On the one hand that made her worry, because if Evan had been hurt then how was Connor handling that? But it also reassured her somewhat, because that meant that her brother had most likely stayed in said hospital with his soulmate

When school ended she thought about going to visit Evan at the hospital, but ended up deciding against it, she wasn't sure she was ready to find out what happened, instead she went home; she had had band practice, so it was probably a bit late for non-family visitors anyway

The first thing she does after arriving at her house is plop on the couch, feeling a bit drained, trying not to come up with any scenarios of what happened to Evan. When her brother appeared a few minutes later, looking extremely tired, but otherwise normal-ish; she was a bit surprised, he looked sober, but she still sat up, thinking on how to approach the subject in the off chance that he hadn't been with Evan all day, and would react to the news badly, though part of her reasoned that even if he hadn't been with Evan, Connor still would have noticed if something had happened to him, as Evan had when Connor had been sick

~^~^~^~^~^[Pov change]^~^~^~^~

Eventually Evan is released of the hospital, and Connor has to go back home to face his family, he just hopes Larry isn't there, he's had enough of asshole fathers for a bit, he doesn't know what his mom told him, but he's sure he'll bombard Connor with questions at the first opportunity he gets

When he arrives at his house he finds that Zoe is the only one there to greet him, she catches her slumped in the sofa, bag not too far off, he figures that she probably didn't arrive very long ago. Zoe raises he hear at the sound of him closing the door, and once she sees him she sits up, he has a vague idea of what she would say

"I heard that Evan was in the hospital"

It comes out softly, tentatively, like she's weighting her words, Connor nods

"I was with him"

"Does mom know?"

Connor rested on a nearby wall, so she wouldn't notice how tense he really was

"What gave it away?"

"Last night, when you didn't come home, mom said you were at a friend's house, dad gave a spiel on how it was most definitely a dealer, but I was hoping it was Evan, and then today happened"

Connor makes the decision to be honest

"I haven't smoked for almost two weeks, I've tried to quit a few times; this is the longest I've been without"

Zoe looks pleasantly surprised, mixed in with a knowing look, so Connor doesn't know how to react to it. Then, like a switch, Zoe's expression changes to a more guarded one

"Did mom… did she say anything to you, when you told her?"

Connor recognized that tone

"She didn't mind, they kind of met when I was sick, I'm pretty sure she adores him"

"Really"

"Well, he's adorable, I wouldn't be surprised"

Zoe laughs at that, and Connor can't remember the last time he made her laugh

"It's cute, how you get about him"

"Yeah well, when you get your soulmate you'll be rambling about them too"

Zoe beams at that, he counts it as a win


	25. Color me tentative (furious)

It dulls into a silence that feels exactly like a too tightly pulled string, Connor's been learning to be gentler, but it's a work in progress

He slumps against the wall, dropping so he's sitting on the ground, as far away from Zoe as he can make himself while doing this particular thing

He takes a deep breath, and starts with the obvious

"I… I owe you a lot of apologies, and I know… I know saying sorry now isn't going to fix things, but still… I'm sorry; I want to make it up to you"

Zoe's face contorts into a pained expression, she doesn't like this subject, and she's trying really hard not to scream at him, he can tell, not that he wouldn't deserve it

"You… you were kind of horrible"

She gives him a pointed look, Connor exhales

"I'm aware"

Zoe nods, acknowledging what he said

"But I can- I can see you're trying, right now? This has been the longest you've gone without… without snapping at someone"

"I can't promise you I won't either, because sometimes it's just too much, and life is an asshole, but I don't… I don't want to hurt you anymore, hell; I never meant to hurt you in the first place"

Zoe gives him a tight lipped smile at that, so Connor continues

"And it's a bit frustrating, because I wanted so badly to be able to come to you, to talk to you about… well, talk about Evan, because really, that's were my head has been lately"

He brushes a hand through his hair, eyes wandering off to sit at some random spot in the house

"But I was also thinking about you, and what an asshole I was to you, and I wanted to fix things, because I really miss you"

He doesn't look at her again, but he hears footsteps, and feels when she drops by him

"Connor, look at me"

Only then does he turn his head, slowly as not to startle her, just in case

"I miss you too, so I'm willing to give you a chance, ok?"

He nods fervently, she then stand up, offers him a hand to help him up, and guides him to the couch

"Now, I want details"

Connor lets out a breathy laugh, but this is an easy topic, a good place to start

^~^~^~^~^~[Pov change]~^~^~^~^~^

It was less of a butterfly clapping its wings, and more of a snowball turning into an avalanche; no. It was a fire, a forest fire in the driest day of summer, miles away from anyone who could stop it, Evan felt like he was burning

Richard; and here Evan takes a page out of Connor's book and decides to not refer to this man as his family, comes to talk to him again, this time with more warning, or rather, Evan figured he would make an appearance, because Richard doesn't actually bother to warn Heidi that he will come by, acts like the house is his when it hasn't been for seven out of the ten years in which he hasn't shown his face here

Here's where it happens, because he was seven when Richard decided to go away, and he's 17 now, and so much has changed since then, particularly now. Richard is sitting in the couch of his house, like it's the most normal thing ever, like he isn't entirely out of place in the picture; he stands up when he sees Evan and asks his mom to leave them alone, she glances at Evan who has his hands clenched at his sides, and he nods, unaware of the decided look that has taken over his face

"Evan, I think we should talk"

"You want to talk? That's fucking rich! You've had 10 years to talk, to try and patch things up, to explain yourself, but did you?!"

Richard frowned, opening his mouth, Evan wasn't having that

"You never called or emailed, or made any contact, you barely ever paid for child support, you don't get to come parading back like nothing happened, you don't get to calmly ask me to meet your children, you don't get to talk to me"

"It's that boy, isn't it? I knew he was a bad influence as soon as I saw him"

Evan saw red, quite literally, and he knew it to be his own eyes that were raging, his own heart pounding, he saw his dad step back, and only then realized he was glaring

"Stop talking like you know anything about me! The last time you saw me I was seven, so, not sorry that I stopped giving a damn about your opinion, and kindly go fuck yourself"

Richard gapes; Evan notices the colors coming back to him and leaves before his mind has the time to catch up with him, locks himself in his room and slumps on his bed feeling… well, nothing really, which is kind of weird, because he expected guilt, but he isn't feeling particularly proud of what he did, he is glad that he got all of it out of his system, but other than that he's just left to stare at his ceiling, then he reaches for his phone, because he owes his soulmate an explanation

 _You: I had a talk with Richard_

 _You: Sorry if the world turned red_

Con 3: Totally understandable 

Con 3: Are you ok though? 

_You: Honestly?_

 _You: I've no idea_

Con 3: Want out of there?

 _You: Yeah_

 _You: I think that's a good idea_

Con 3: Omw 

_You: I might come out of the window_

 _You: Don't freak out?_

Con 3: I won't if you're careful 

_You: ;)_


	26. Color me silent

Connor stopped the car in front of the Hansen household just in time to see his soulmate dropping down from a sturdy looking tree he hadn't noticed before, making a mental note that it stands close to Evan's window, not that Connor would need that sort of information

Evan looked… amused, as he approached Connor, which was odd considering why they were doing this in the first place, he run to Connor's car, getting in before Connor could turn it off

"Let's go!"

There's laughter laced in his voice, and he's looking at Connor like they're sharing a secret, so Connor pulls out of the driveway and into the streets

"I never snuck out before, I feel kind of jittery"

Connor smiled then, suppressing the need to roll his eyes at Evan's excitement over this

"You're adorable"

He didn't mean to say it out loud, but Evan's whole demeanor changes, from the enthusiasm to a more pleasantly surprised expression, cheeks covered in blush, small shy smile painting his lips, Connor really wanted to kiss him, but he could do that latter, and it was kind of amazing that he could do it at all

The orchard was covered in the fading light of sunset when they got there, Evan was beaming at the sight, so Connor made his way to him, making sure that he could see his movements, he brushed a hand against his cheek, eyes glancing only once to Evan's mouth before settling on the dark blue eyes he liked so much. Evan flushed but gave a solid nod, so Connor kissed him; it was just as exhilarating as the others, Evan's hands went to his neck, one tangling itself on his hair, and Connor melted into it, arms going around the shorter boy's waist for support

When they pulled apart Connor pressed their foreheads together, Evan gave him a breathless smile

"Damn"

Evan actually snorted at that, nose crinkling as he did; Connor pecked him, partly out of retaliation, mostly because he could

"Wanna watch the stars from the hood of my car?"

"Sounds like a date"

Connor sat down and patted the spot next to him, Evan had to lift himself a bit; then both laid into their backs, having a pretty decent view of the darkening sky

"Shit, I should've got you some flower, do you even like flowers?"

"Yes?"

"Is that a question?"

"Sorry, I'm still… amazed that we're dating now"

Connor let out a breathy sigh

"Same"

^~^~^~^~^~[Pov change]~^~^~^~^~^

A few stars were already visible; they couldn't see the moon from this angle but it was most definitely there

As the sky turned a dark blue, lingering towards black, with freckles of pale blue light from the stars, they fell into an entirely comfortable silence. It amazed Evan, because he never had a moment such as this one, where he didn't feel any rush to speak, no pressure to form sentences, no trace of that one voice in his head that liked to pipe up when words failed him; he was extremely glad that he got to share this with Connor

If Evan could live in this serenity, in this instant where Connor and him are together in a way that's far too intimate given how far they are from each other; he would in a heartbeat  
He knows, that eventually they'll have to leave, go their separate ways, each to a house that doesn't feel quite at home for different reasons; but that's later, for now he'll allow himself to enjoy this, for as long as it lasts

They are quiet, but the silence hangs with a hint of understanding, they both prefer it and dread it in spades, because everything is too loud out in the world, but everything is too loud inside their own heads; right now though, right now this is needed, and wanted, and there's a warm feeling settling inside Evan. He's never been this comfortable with anyone

The air is a bit on the cold side, but there's no wind so it's bearable, the sky is clear, which gives them a better view, and he wonders for a single second if Connor is thinking something similar, if he's feeling like this, he really hopes so


	27. Color me escalating

Tuesday morning finds Connor driving Evan to school, Evan who looked nowhere near fit for going there, but also didn't want to stay in his house much longer than he needed, Connor was half tempted to convince him of skipping for the day, but the main reason Evan was in this state was because last night's events had finally caught up with him. He had reassured Connor that it was in no way his fault, that he really needed to get out and hadn't gotten into any trouble per se, and apologized for making him drive so late, but he was beating himself up over it, so Connor decided to keep an eye on him just in case

Rumors. It always came down to that, didn't it?

Word never travels as fast as it does behind the walls of a high school, it's like everyone's addicted to gossip, and Connor knows his fair amount on addiction

He would like to say that he pays no mind to the rumors, but honestly, when everyone is rattling about the same damn thing, it's really fucking hard not to listen, it especially hard when they're talking about someone you know

It stars simple, with a passing mention of Evan's name, and Connor has to make an effort not to stop dead on his tracks and alert the two gossipers of his presence, he sees two girls as he tries to listen better, because he's all sorts of ready to put his reputation to good use if it'll keep assholes from bothering Evan. He's equal parts regretting to stop and listen as he is glad that he did, because they were talking about how the two have become so very close, one of the girls dismisses the other

"It probably comes with being soulmates"

And Connor is running, hoping that he can get to Evan before the rumor does, so he can warn his soulmate, and avoid him another panic attack

He finds Evan when he walks out of his AP biology class, he smiles when he sees Connor then frowns, Connor probably doesn't look ok, Evan walks to him quickly and gently leads him away from prying eyes, and if Connor wasn't so worried about how to tell him this, he'd be able to appreciate the role reversal

They ended up outside, by the tree they usually had lunch at, it was an improvement from the bathroom; Connor decides to cut to the chase

"People know we're soulmates"

"Oh… I-that's not… fuck"

^~^~^~^~^~[Pov change]~^~^~^~^~^

Evan closed his eyes, breathing deeply, before he looked at Connor with concern  
"Are you ok?"  
Connor blinks at him before the question registers in his head  
"Well, I wouldn't care normally"  
"But?"  
Connor sighed, picking his words carefully  
"Larry isn't the most open minded person; and you've had enough of shitty fathers"  
Evan chuckles lowly, giving Connor a tentative look  
"I could tell you the same"  
Connor huffs, but can't disagree with the statement, Evan gave him a fond smile  
"You can always come to my house, if you need"  
Connor sags with what he thinks is relief  
"Sounds like a plan"


	28. Color me stunted

Wednesday afternoon Jared finally gets a chance to talk to Evan, after inviting the other over for games, with the usual pretext, Evan agreed, and now here they are. It's weird on a different way from before, they are generally more in tune when behind closed doors, whether that's on Jared or on Evan is up for debate

They're waist deep in an old game that allowed two players when the conversation starts; it's mostly an afterthought, and he isn't sure when it became so, and what that meant for their relationship; whatever they stood on that

"Oh, hey, I remembered; do you need me to drive you to therapy this Thursday?"

Evan gives him a small but pleasantly surprised smile

"No, Connor said he would"

Jared guesses that makes sense

"Ah, how's that going by the way?"

Evan lights up

"Good, I think, I like him a lot"

A pause, eyes finally meeting his

"How are things with Trevor?"

Jared stumbles a bit; they're both very bad at this

"Great, he's great, I... I trust him"

Evan nods, and Jared isn't sure if he knows how much that sentence really means, but that's ok, he doesn't need to

^~^~^~^~^~[Time skip]~^~^~^~^~^

Thursday morning has him walking with Evan to school, something about not wanting to make Connor drive him everywhere, and it's a bit funny that the roles have reversed and now Evan is the one making excuses, because both of them suck at this. Jared makes no comment about it, because that'd be admitting he does it, and despite everything, he's not some hypocrite

Jared doesn't see Connor until after first period, where he's waiting for Evan in the hall, but Trevor is also there, camera hanging from his neck, he told Jared he was in the yearbook committee, and that he took photographs as a pastime

"Hello love"

Jared was still getting used to the pet name, he liked it a lot, as he had reassured Trevor when he first asked, but it flustered him

"Hi Trev, what's up? I heard Alana got herself involved with your squad"

"At this point is harder to tell what she isn't involved in, like a high-school female version of Lin Manuel Miranda"

"Dude"

"He's everywhere Jared, everywhere!"

Jared rolled his eyes, lips quirking into a fond smile

"Elise cancelled today's meeting, so I should get out at the same time as you"

"Want me to drive you home?"

Trevor smiled at him softly

"That'd be wonderful"

^~^~^~^~^~[Time skip]~^~^~^~^~^

Friday, by lunch time, the unthinkable happened, Evan walked in the cafeteria, with his Connor Murphy shaped shadow on tow, and sat in the table that Jared had been at, before starting to unpack his lunch; Jared didn't say a word because this was how they usually worked, only now the roles were reversed, Evan had been the one avoiding Jared, while Jared did nothing to fix things other than overthink about fixing things. Being that both of them were hopeless at this, and bound to repeat the pattern, the only thing out of place, the only one looking bothered by the situation, was Connor; still he kept his mouth shut, Evan probably had to do with that

Trevor must have sensed his predicament, because he slipped into the seat right besides Jared, and unpacked his own lunch, and Jared felt much more comfortable in the presence of his soulmate. Trevor somehow, Jared was half convinced the other was a wizard, managed to coax Connor into conversation, and now Connor was giving him an odd look

"Quick question"

"Shoot"

"How the hell did you get red highlights without seeing color?"

"It's part of the initiation for the yearbook committee, surely you've noticed we all have ridiculous hair"

"Does that mean Alana's gonna get her hair dyed"

"Only if she really wants to join, as in, permanently"

Connor nods and that's the end of that, neither seems aware of the looks Evan and Jared have been exchanging since the word highlights was said, and by extension, the suppressed giggles that they've shared


	29. Color me adoring

Though Evan had told her that he would be going out with Connor, she hadn't expected to see her son's soulmate holding a bouquet of flowers; made with carnations, violets and calla lilies, he also looks like he dressed up specifically; she smiles at him

"Evan's just finishing, would you like to come in?"

Connor seems to think it over before he nods

"Let me find a vase for those"

She goes to the kitchen, having to dig deep into one of the cabinets, it's been a long while since there were any flowers at her home

She hears the moment Evan gets downstairs, just as she finds the vase she was looking for, when she re-enters the living room she sees her son holding the bouquet with his good hand, positively beaming at Connor, who is looking at him completely endeared

"Let me take those from you honey, you two have somewhere to go right?"

Evan flustered as he nodded, handing her the bouquet, she moved back to the kitchen with both items and though of where to place it, Evan called out a goodbye and she shouted back to tell her when he'd come back

Later that day, she would find Evan in the frame of his bedroom door with the most love-sick look ever, before turning to her, smile overtaking his entire being

"Thanks mom"

"Did you have a good time?"

His eyes softened, smile following soon after

"Yeah, I did"

^~^~^~^~^~[Time skip + POV change]~^~^~^~^~^

Monday morning Connor comes pick him up, which means Larry hasn't found out yet; Evan hopes the rumor has died down a bit. He hadn't lied when he said that he would take Connor in if worse came to worse, but the idea that that could happen was not one he particularly liked

Evan wasn't expecting to come to school to find everyone much more interested in a different set of soulmates, especially when half of said set of soulmates was none other than Evan's family-friend, Jared Kleinman

Evan has no idea what happened, or how it came to this point, but Trevor is in Jared's arms, face held in his hands, as Jared grins from ear to ear; it's weird because Trevor is the taller of the two, but Jared still holds him like he weights nothing; Evan glances at Connor, wondering if he could lift his own soulmate, then he sharply looks away because that's not a thought he just had

^~^~^~^~^~[Time skip]~^~^~^~^~^

On Tuesday he felt trapped and needed to be somewhere open, away from prying eyes, he texted both his mom and Connor that he couldn't do today; Connor came to pick him up regardless, and took him to the orchard

"You don't have to skip with me"

"No, but I want to"

Evan placed a hand on Connor's cheek

"How are you real?"

Connor blushed, eyes drifting away from him

"Shut up"

^~^~^~^~^~[Time skip]~^~^~^~^~^

Wednesday was a quiet day, a long day, it dragged endlessly, but Evan only had enough energy to go through the motions, and smile tiredly at Connor, who he could tell probably knew what was happening

By lunch Connor suggested going back to their tree, Evan nodded in agreement, and that's where Jared and Trevor found them, one look from Connor stopped them from sitting with them, Evan was thankful for it, he needed to be unresponsive for a bit if he was going to make it through the rest of the day, he let himself melt against the tree bark, then slide so he was resting on Connor, partly because his words were failing him and he couldn't thank the other just yet, mostly because he could and his soulmate's presence was entirely calming

As he drifted off he wondered if the colors had changed lately, what with his mood, he would have to ask Connor some other time

^~^~^~^~^~[Time skip]~^~^~^~^~^

On Thursday, it was Connor who was out of it, and Evan affirmed his theory, it was like someone had put a maroon filter on the whole world, and as he saw Connor clenching and unclenching his fists, he knew why exactly. It was different from the angry red that had overtaken Evan's vision as he confronted Richard; it was tired, aimless, yet ready to burn at the smallest provocation

Evan stayed at arm's reach, but made no movement to initiate contact, that was on Connor, and didn't start a conversation either; but he wanted Connor to know he was there

At the end of the school day they drove to the orchard and Connor allowed himself meaningless screaming; when he was done he pulled Evan close to him in an sluggish motion, and about collapsed on him, hiding his face on Evan's shoulder

^~^~^~^~^~[Time skip]~^~^~^~^~^

By the time Friday rolled around, both of them were emotionally drained, so Connor showed up to the Hansen household, right after Heidi went to work, and stayed there for the remaining of the day, neither had enough energy to go do school, but they both knew it'd be a bad idea to be alone with their thoughts when it got like this

They proceeded to do absolutely nothing in silent companionship, and there was warmth in knowing the other was perfectly in reach, in sharing this moment; it was… peaceful

They looked at each other, exchanging tired gazes, and exhausted attempts at smiling; they considered themselves lucky


	30. Color me terrified

It's been a while since the last time this happened, a month to be exact, because the last time had been right before Connor was dragged to his first day of school; and sure, he's heard the screaming matches that always involved him yet never included him, but this is different

It starts very simple, though that's not quite true, it's egging and testing, and Connor has yet to come out of the state he's been in since Thursday, which means he'll definitely snap, and that can only end badly. But, if one were to compare, the fact that it started with a single spoken sentence, then yeah… it was simple

It was after dinner that Larry asked

"So, where have you been disappearing to?"

Connor sees his sister tensing up, and then looks at his mom for help, but he doesn't need to

"Larry!"

"No Cynthia, I didn't say anything because he was starting to act properly, but he's back to his usual stunts"

And it doesn't matter that he's had Friday and the majority of today to deal with his thoughts, because they pile up on him now, and he snaps

"And what do you care? You'd just twist my words just so you can keep pretending that everything bad that happens is somehow my fault"

The world doesn't turn red like he expects it to, instead it takes on a purple-ish tonality, it isn't anger, it's frustration and fear

Connor knows for a fact that it is fear, it's in the way his mind reels when Larry stands up from the table glaring at him, in the way he had prayed to anything holy that Larry wouldn't catch up

"You will tell me where you were right this instant"

And then Connor is the one standing up, with a glare of his own, his phone is buzzing in his pocket, and he mentally apologizes to Evan

"I was spending time with my soulmate; happy? Or are you going to start a tirade on how I must be lying, because you don't think I could have one?"

"Get out"

Fine, if that's what he's gonna be like

"Fuck you"

Connor stormed off the dining room and made a b line for the door, slamming it behind him as he went, letting his feet take him wherever, just far from this house

He should've seen it coming, truly, Larry never listens, and he shouldn't have expected anyone to defend him, the only person who gave a shit about Connor was Evan, and Evan couldn't help him with the whole Larry debacle, just like Connor hadn't been able to help with Richard

He waits until he doesn't recognize his surroundings anymore, finds a park and a bench, before checking his phone, it rings again, a call instead of a text, he's pretty sure Evan hates phone calls; he must be worried, Connor answers the phone

^~^~^~^~^~[POV change]~^~^~^~^~^

Seeing the world change in hue when he isn't the one causing it is a process, the change when Connor had been sick was nothing in comparison to this. The moment the world turned purple Evan was seized with second hand fear, it was as though the fear was entirely his own yet so distant from him at the same time, he texted Connor, worry clouding his mind, and then it got worse

The world turned a shade of blue that was way too close to gray, and Evan ran, clicking the numbers on the phone he had memorized by now, the beeping sound louder than his quickening footsteps and desperate heartbeat, he doesn't stop to think where he's going, he's just going. Finally, Connor's voice comes from the other end

"Hey Ev, sorry about the colors"

He sounds weak, and wet, and something else that Evan doesn't want to think about

"Where are you?"

"I'm at Mayrose park… are you ok?"

"Stay there!"

"Ev, you're not answering the question"

He sounds worried, and closer, like he's holding his phone tightly

"I'm fine… just, please stay there, I'm on my way"

Evan hangs up and accelerates with purpose, he doesn't know how he managed to get in the right track, but he's not going to chance it by pondering it too hardly

The park is lit in the light of lamp posts and rearing buildings that have yet to call it a night, under this clash of darkness and light he finds Connor on a bench clenching his phone like a life line

Connor must hear him somehow, because he looks up from the phone and stumbles in a rush to stand up and get to him, Evan holds his face in his hands as he pants, trying to reassure himself that this is real, that Connor is alive in front of him, and that's when it registers that this is what he'd been dreading

In his mind, unknown even to himself, he pictured finding Connor too late, pictured seeing the world fade back to black and white before he even saw the body, but he's here, Evan can feel him breathing through his palms, eyes filled with worry and something else, something darker, but he's unharmed as far as Evan can see, so he hugs him, holds him close enough that he can feel the other's heartbeat, and feels arms hugging him back

"I was so worried; it got so close to grey, I just…"

Connor shushes him, giving him a short squeeze, but not really saying anything, just holding onto Evan; until he finally feels okay enough to ask

"What happened?"

"I had a fight with Larry, and I told him I had a soulmate, he told me to get out of the house"

Evan feels his chest tighten at the tone he uses and the words themselves, he brings a hand to Connor's face lightly, making sure the brown eyes are on him

"You can stay with me"

Connor looks at him as though Evan is the only thing that makes sense in the world, eyes glassy with tears, but there's a tentative smile trying to form in his lips

"You're amazing, you know that?"

Evan lets out a sound somewhere between a huff and a chuckle, rolling his eyes and pulling away from Connor only to grab his hand

"Come on you dork"

Connor's lips finally settle in a soft smile as he intertwines their fingers, Evan starts leading the way to his home

^~^~^~^~^~[POV change]~^~^~^~^~^

When he's finally in the safety of the Hansen household, with Evan making tea in the kitchen, Connor finally gathers enough energy to call his mom

She sounds beyond relieved when she hears Connor's voice, and lets out a long sigh when he tells her where exactly he is, Connor finds himself agreeing with a statement she never puts into words but peeks through her tone as they speak, by the time he hangs up the tea is ready and Evan hands him a cup silently, Connor gives him a thankful smile

Evan sits close to him and Connor leans into him, there are no words exchanged between them, nor the need to make any up

^~^~^~^~^~[POV change]~^~^~^~^~^

Later that night, Heidi will find them cuddled on the sofa, and will put a blanket over them with a worried look, noticing the way both of them look and how tightly they're holding into each other. She'll make a mental note to herself to ask Evan in the morning, for now she would let the boys rest


	31. Color me gently

Evan wakes up feeling warm, and comfortable, and he opens his eyes to see that he's practically lying on top of Connor, who's still very much asleep, on the couch; quickly his mind recalls last night's events. There's a blanket on top of them, so his mom must have come home at some point last night, and by the sounds coming from the kitchen, she's awake now, Evan is careful as he slips out of Connor's grasp and out of the couch, his soulmate looks so peaceful, and Evan doesn't have the heart to wake him up, at least the colors had gone back to normal

Heidi was making French toast for breakfast, Evan was a bit surprised, he couldn't remember the last time she had made those; he smiled as he entered the kitchen

"Morning"

His mom turned around, smiling when she saw him

"Evan, is Connor still asleep?"

"Last I checked, why?"

"Well, the two of you didn't look all that good when I got home"

"Yeah, no… I, uh, I think it'd be better if I asked him before telling you? I just… he had a rough night"

"We can wait until he's awake, but we need to talk about this"  
Evan nods, he can see where she's coming from. Heidi smiles then, warmly, eyes glistening with something akin to pride

"He must mean a lot to you, I don't think I've ever seen you run off like that"

Evan pretty much jumps up in shock, he's sure he's become completely scarlet by now and thanks god that his mom can't actually see him blushing

"Y-yeah… I know it's only been a month or so, but I just…"

He makes a flailing motion with his hand, because he doesn't know exactly how to put this into words so it makes sense to her

"He gets me, and I always have such an easier time talking to him, and he cares, and… he-he's important to me"

^~^~^~^~^~[POV change]~^~^~^~^~^

Connor wakes up to an empty living room he vaguely recognizes, his mind slowly re-playing the events of last night, he can't say he's proud of his outburst, but he can't bring himself to regret his words either, not when he meant every last one of them

He hears voices from somewhere in the house, considering how close they are he figures the two members of the Hansen family are in the room right next to the living, Connor figures that's the kitchen

Had Connor had any life other than the one he did, maybe he would've been able to ignore the words coming from the other room; but as it was, and considering neither Hansen was yelling, Connor would make a few loose words clearly, there's a pause and he chances walking over but then the voices pick up again and Connor overhears

"He must mean a lot to you, I don't think I've ever seen you run off like that"

Connor really shouldn't eavesdrop, but he's rooted into place, heart in his throat

"Y-yeah… I know it's only been a month or so, but I just…"

Evan's voice is still groggy with sleep, making it deeper than usual, and at this point it's easier to just assume he likes everything about his soulmate a little too much

"He gets me, and I always have such an easier time talking to him, and he cares, and… he-he's important to me"

Connor's hand flies to his mouth, his feet finally move but the wrong way, he stumbles but falls backwards into the couch, his heart is trying to make its way out of his chest through his ribs, there's a smile splitting his face in two, and he's staring at the ceiling, legs in an odd angle. The world is amazing

 _He's important to me_

The words ring in his head, he moves both his hands to cover his eyes and tries not to scream externally, this is new, and he feels fucking happy

His phone vibrates in the coffee table beside him, breaking him out of his… giddy state? Connor's not awake enough for this. He checks it to see Zoe is calling him; he frowns as he answers it, if she's the one contacting him, then things have probably heated up back in the Murphy residence

To further prove this point, Zoe's voice sounds hushed, like she's hiding, and even through the phone, Connor can make out the screaming in the background, she's not in her room

"Oh god, Connor, I fucked up"

He sits up, suddenly very awake

"What happened?"

"I'm so sorry"

"Zoe, what happened?"

"I just… I was worried, so I asked mom where you were and… dad heard"

Connor felt himself swallowing spit, and he was back to yesterday, he had to keep calm, he didn't want to worry Evan again

 _He's important to me_

"Connor, he-he's planning to go there, mom's trying to stop him, but… you know how it goes"

"Yeah"

"I'm really, really sorry"

"It's not your fault he's an ass, or that he can't see me happy without blowing up"

He hears Zoe sighing on the other end, on this in particular, they'll never see eye to eye, but at least now she's not trying to force him to agree with her

"I have to hung up"

"Thanks for warning me Zo"

As he ends the call he realizes that he hasn't called her that in ages, he hears a door open and he turns, only to see Evan giving him that worried look. Evan makes his way to him wordlessly, before dropping in the couch at his side; they're facing each other, knees touching, Evan reaches for his hand and starts rubbing slow circles in it, Connor leans over so he can rest his head on Evan's shoulder and lets out a long sigh

"Larry might be coming over"

Evan lets go of his hand to instead start brushing Connor's hair with his fingers, Connor closes his eyes because that feels really nice

"I should warm my mom, how pissed off do you think he'll be?"

Connor groans lowly

"You should prepare for a hurricane"

"Reassuring"

Evan doesn't make any move to break the contact, Connor shifts a bit closer, he's glad; he doesn't think he'd last very long otherwise

^~^~^~^~^~[POV change]~^~^~^~^~^

After a bit, Heidi walks into the living room to find the two boys cuddling again, though they're awake this time, it warms her heart to see them so at peace with the other. Still, she had to know what was happening; so she cleared her throat and watched as Connor pulled away from Evan to look at her

"Morning Ms. Hansen"

Heidi chuckled at the sleepy tone he used, Evan straightened in his seat

"Mom!"

"Up for breakfast boys?"

Connor turned to Evan, something hard in his expression; he saw them join hands as Evan nodded to Connor

"Actually Ms. Hansen, there's something I should tell you"

She took a seat in a nearby chair so she could look at both of them. Once she did Connor started talking, he told her about how things were not the best in his family, and how he didn't have the best relationship with them, but that it had been getting better, that he wanted to fix things if he could, he looks at Evan every few words for encouragement, and it's not hard to see what changed

She recognizes bits and pieces of what she's told, and she can gather by expressions alone just how much of the story Evan knows, and she sees just how deeply they trust each other, and she feels extremely proud of her boy

Then Connor gets this look on his face, and he starts talking about his father, and in an instant he's curled in on himself, holding Evan's hand like a life line, and he looks so small in her living room. By the time Larry Murphy makes it to her home Heidi's makes a decision, that she won't let him harm this boy any more, and that she'll put some sense into him, because Heidi recognizes fear when she sees it

^~^~^~^~^~[POV change]~^~^~^~^~^

Larry Murphy had never been the kind of man to hold his tongue when it came to his opinion, his son seemed to have inherited this particular trait, only Connor worked on a 'I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm against it' sort of mindset, and that was going to get him in trouble sooner or later

Larry knew that his son was particularly against seeing eye to eye with him, biting back at every word he said, and insisting he was the one in the right. Larry knew that the way their relationship was now, Connor definitely hid things from him, but this was a little far

Larry admitted that he wasn't the best with emotions, but normally that wouldn't matter, because Connor would've been ecstatic about showing off anything that he thought proved Larry wrong; not hide him away like he obviously had

It all came down to trust, because when it came to something as important, as life changing as this, it always did. Soulmates were, a big part of their society, though encountering them was not the easiest feat, the concept was popularized, and romanticized, and though Larry and Cynthia weren't soulmates, that didn't mean he rejected the idea of them

Still, as he made his way to the Hansen household, he realized that it made sense. It made all the sense in the world that Connor would trust Cynthia with the identity of his soulmate, but not him, because Connor's soulmate was a boy, and Larry Murphy was not the kind of man that held back his tongue

He rings the bell; the door is opened by a small-ish woman with a fierce expression, she looks like she woke up not too long ago, and she's sharp as a knife as she invites him in, business smile painting her lips. Larry is a lawyer, he's met some scary people, he can't remember a single one with as strong of a presence as Heidi Hansen, and he knows he's in for a storm


	32. Color with your colors

I would like, firstly, to thank each and every last one of you for using your time on this story, it's been… a trip, not gonna lie, and honestly, it would've been much different without your support, so truly, and fully, thank you

Atte.

Skyler Ghesh

* * *

There are many things said that day, words that have long lost their edge as time has passed; it's been… four years, since the incident, since the meeting that set everything in motion, and things have changed

· Evan works on a project for the green areas of their hometown with Alana, they've become good friends

· Connor is currently working on his very first novel, while working part-time in a craft-store

· Trevor is starting work as a teacher, he exchanges info about how to get images into words with Connor (they have a sort of tentative friendship as Trevor majored in Semiology)

· Jared is working for a company that he can't talk about, Evan is half convinced he works for the CIA or something like that

· Zoe is finishing her last year of college, and working part-time as an assistant for Evan and Alana

· Cynthia now works as the main chef of the best gluten-free restaurant in town, much to the amusement of her kids

· Eventually Evan came clean to Heidi about how he really broke his arm, both him and Connor are getting the help they need ((The author is still working on being able to write about mental recovery without slipping up))

· Larry, in an attempt to start fixing things, helped Heidi when eventually Richard appeared again, it was long tedious even, but they won the battle, and Richard had to pay a fine for all the years of neglected child support; Evan never saw him again

· At some point, because of the job, Zoe and Alana discovered they were soulmates, the two have been in a steady relationship for a year and half

^~^~^~^~^~[Breack]~^~^~^~^~^

Anniversaries tend to be the best days to officiate things, or at least that's what every movie and book on romance has told Evan; he's not gonna question it if it works, and he knows, deep inside him that it will… that does not stop him from being nervous

Three years ago, also on this date, Connor asked him to be his boyfriend; now Evan had a much more… permanent title he wanted to give the brunet

It happened because Evan had been window shopping for something to give his mom, when he passed a jewelry store, the display caught his attention, particularly the piece that now rested in the tiny box in his pocket, in the end he gave his mom a full home-cooked meal, and proceeded to have the realization that he had bought an engagement ring  
Once the idea that he wanted to marry Connor, despite and because of everything that meant as a whole, finally settled in his head; it was a matter of picking a day. Evan couldn't think of a better date  
He went through the day like it was the usual anniversary, Connor and him had a picnic under the stars planned, Evan wanted to do it before the day changed  
Once everything was in place, he paused, catching Connor's attention  
"There's something I want to say now, if that's ok"  
"Of course Ev"  
Evan takes a deep breath  
"Four years ago, the most amazing thing happened to me, I was surprised, because I… I never thought I would meet my soulmate, and then, all of the sudden you were right in front of me"

Connor fumbles at this, and Evan knows without him saying a word, that he didn't even think he had a soulmate; he takes his boyfriend's hand gently in his own and starts rubbing comforting circles

"For a bit I worried that maybe it wasn't a two way thing, or maybe we were just platonic soulmates and I was just hopelessly crushing over you, but then you kissed me so…"

This makes Connor chuckle, and the brown eyes move back to Evan, who smiles and squeezes his hand. Evan takes another deep breath, taking the box out and shifting so he's kneeling, not once letting go of Connor's hand, he can see the brown eyes widening

"A year after that, on this same date, you asked me to be your boyfriend, I thought I wanted nothing more, but I do"

He swears Connor gasps as he awkwardly opens the box, Evan wants to ask nicely, find original words that will carry the meaning, but he's unable, so he just smiles at Connor, and hopes that that's enough

"Would you marry me?"

He's tackled into the ground, a bottle falls over but it's unopened and just rolls a few centimeters, Evan feels something wet fall onto his cheek and he looks up, Connor is grinning from ear to ear, beaming down at him as he brushes a finger through his lips, Evan nods smiling back

Connor kisses him slowly, and meaningfully, and it doesn't matter how many times this happens, it always feels the same, and Evan kisses back purposefully, managing to get himself into a sitting position, Connor on top of him, practically towering him as he connects their foreheads

"Yes, god… yes!"

Evan gives him a shorter kiss, and looks for the box, luckily the ring didn't fly off, he slips the white gold band on Connor's finger, then he kisses the hand and Connor shoves him playfully

He gets up then takes out a tiny box from the picnic basket they brought over

"Actually…"

Evan blinks once, twice…

"Oh my god!"

Connor smiles sheepishly as he makes his way back over him

"I don't really want to ruin your moment though, so just-"

"Yes!"

They look at each other for a beat, Evan goes completely red

"I'm sorry, I just… I-ah, I would love to marry you"

Connor simply smiles fondly at him, taking his hand and slipping a different silver-colored band on his finger, it looks older than the one Evan gave him, and it has a zig-zag pattern over its whole body

"My dad gave this to me actually"

Evan smiles as he squeezes Connor's hand, Connor lets out a sigh, this is still a work in progress

"Come on, our food will get colder"

Connor lets out a breathy chuckle and pecks Evan before nodding and opening the basket, they enjoy the rest of the night with their hands entwined, rings somehow matching under the moonlight

^~^~^~^~^~[Breack]~^~^~^~^~^

The first one to find out is Heidi, because the two have decided to tell people personally, and she's the easiest to get a hang off. Jared and Trevor are next, when the four go out for drinks, for old time sakes, and Evan asks Jared to be his best man, Jared may or may not weep like a baby

They have to tell Zoe and Alana separately, Evan tells Alana on one of their breaks, and convinces her to let him ask Connor before he lets her plan everything. Connor tells Zoe on a sibling outing, something that's become a thing for them, she's very happy for them, and though Connor's made some friends by now, people who he'll be inviting to the event, he still asks her to be his best woman, words it like that because he knows it'll make her snort, she practically tackles him into a hug, because apparently that's a family trait

Connor actually invites his mom over for dinner so he and Evan can tell her properly, she insists that they let her keep an eye in the catering, says she doesn't offer to make the food herself because she knows her son prefers other kind of food, and she can respect that; Connor tells her he loves her but that Heidi is still the best mom, she reacts by saying his name in an offended tone

Larry learns a bit later, Zoe and Evan both are there when Connor tells him, he congratulates them and asks if they have anything planned, and asks if they need anyone to make sure they don't get scammed, because apparently Larry knows about that sort of stuff; Evan finds it a little bit humorous that both of Connor's parents offered such similar things

The only thing they know for sure is that they want to be outdoors, so it would have to be on the warmer seasons, somewhere with trees, other than that, they don't really know, so eventually, they let Alana take care of things, Zoe keeps an eye on her so she doesn't overwork herself, or overdo the whole thing, Jared and Trevor decide to help as well, at one point everyone gets involved, but deep down both are very thankful for it

Plans were made and everyone left, leaving Connor and Evan by themselves, they looked at each other, eyes meeting, and grinned, because their loved ones were ridiculous, because they were still high on the fact that this was happening, because they loved each other, and simply because they were happy

The end


End file.
